Feel The Rush

Oh the weather outside is… quite nice actually…
And the fire is… non-existent…
And since we’ve… anywhere we want to go…

…

Please Don’t Snow!
Please Don’t Snow!
PLEASE DON’T SNOW!!!

WARNING: Children should not read this post, as it contains violent scenes as well as disillusionment on the part of one Fat Man with a Read Coat.

That’s right, folks, it’s now December, meaning most of the Northern Hemisphere is covered in the white stuff. Any time now, all the good (and bad) little Christian, Jewish, and Catholic (and anyone else with the inclination) girls and boys will see sugar plums (a very sweet candy in their minds) dancing and stay awake very anxiously (until they collapse from exhaustion) to see if one jolly elf (whoever happens to be in charge of them) will leave them presents that only a mystical being (the one in control of the mail) would know about and be able to grant them.

That’s right, Santa Clause is coming to town!

It’s still a little ways off, but people have experienced the bums rush at the stores already. Black Friday showed frantic consumers, worried store clerks, and even a death toll over in - WAIT A MINUTE! Where is this information coming from? I was at one of the stores in question. Sure, there was a lot of people there, and the clerks were forced to respond accordingly, but there was no pushing, no shoving, certainly no deaths, and the only two guys trying to cause a fight were ignored implicitly. It seems to me that the media is once again influencing the public into believing anything they tell them to get ratings and increase spending.

What’s that? You don’t believe the mass media would be capable of controlling people in such a way? What about the war? The one in Iraq? Or is it Iran? No, I think it’s supposed to be Afghanistan… Anyway, the war on the entire middle east is not only the fault of one monkey who jumped the gun, several times, in an attempt to escape the chambered bullet, but also of the media, who perpetrated a false sense of alarm, added onto the already growing distress of the American people.

Even Scott Adams, the creator of Dilbert and the Religion Wars, has noticed the power of the media to influence the public into doing whatever they want them to, through careful words and nudging. How do you think we got the president-elect we currently have? Or the current president? It was all through the media. The media showed all the darker sides of Senator Clinton, and all the lighter sides of Senator Obama. They confused the public with misinformation and propaganda about Al Gore, to allow Bush into office. This happened not once, but twice. I’m not saying Obama is the wrong choice, but he seemed to be the only choice as far as the media was concerned.

Back to the deaths, for a moment. There actually were a couple of deaths at a Wal-Mart store. It wasn’t anything to do with one person robbing another, like most people think Black Friday would cause. It was very simple. There were far too many people waiting in line at a store that sells things incredibly cheap that was having a sale to make things a whole lot cheaper, and in their excitement, these people trampled over other people, resulting in their deaths. So far, as I understand it, there was one store clerk, and one unborn child killed that day due to a stampede.

Are these people to blame for trampling over innocent people? No, not really. They had gone temporarily insane from the sale and no longer had control over their bodies as they were striving to get their loved one, or themselves, the item they always wanted at the one time of the year they could afford it. Should we blame the unsuspecting people that got trampled? Of course not, they were victims in this unfortunate situation. What about the stores? Are they to blame? Not in the slightest. The stores were only capitalizing on the potential profits, like anyone else would do. So who is at fault for this horrible act? Why, the people who caused the mob to go insane in the first place. The Media. They caused the stores to sell lower, which caused the mob, which killed the people. I say, all those people who were causing a panic through advertising the date, the time, the price, and the panic, all at once, should be put behind bars and beaten with a stick at random intervals just to give them the same feeling of panic that the troop of consumers felt as they waited outside their favorite store, hoping to get at their main purchase before anyone else.

So, the media caused the War of the Third-Worlds; the election of whichever president they felt best suited them at the time; the mobs and rioting on black Friday; and the deaths of anyone, physically or politically, that was involved with any of these events. These mass murdering dictators must be stopped. It’s bad enough the internet is full of lies, we can always ignore those, we don’t need these lies thrown at our faces on every news medium man has ever invented. They control our hearts, our minds, and our lives.

They must be stopped!

Poison them! Drown them! Bash them in the head! Got any chloroform? I don’t care how you kill the little beasts, BUT DO IT!

QUICKLY! BEFORE THEY -

<= This transmission has been cut off due to lies, conspiracy theories, and copyright infringement =>

On A Stick

I've come to notice that a lot of people seem to have some funny ideas for the future. Getting passed all the people who believe the world will end soon we find people believing that we will have flying cars, cities in the sky and even colonies on mars. However, the funniest one is that people believe our food will soon appear in capsul/tablet form.

Now I'm not usually one to predict the future, but in this case I must step in because as far as food goes people really haven't been paying attention to the trends. To put food in the form of some pill is far too boring and steril for humanity. Not to worry though, I have a more accurate idea for the shape of food in the future... On a stick.

That's right, in the future most of the food you buy will be on a stick. That's not to say that all food will be in stick form, but for the most part you will probably be able to find it that way. It's already started, especially in places like America and Japan, and it won't be long before we start to see things like pizza on a stick or frozen beer on a stick. We are human beings, not robots. This is the way we like to do things, this is the way we like to live... On a stick.

Well, now that I've corrected one theory about the future perhaps you'll look into some of your other theories with an updated opinion. I'm the OmniEpic Wizard. I write it so you don't have to.