Sunday, July 27, 2008

PSA - For Your Safety

This is a Public Service Announcement, sponsored by Families Ranting About Underhanded Doctoral Service.

Anyone who is sick, feels sick, or knows someone who is/feels sick, DO NOT GO TO THE HOSPITAL! You may visit the clinic, you may see your doctor, you may acquire medication from your local pharmacy, but DO NOT GO TO THE HOSPITAL! Statistics have shown that more people die in the hospital than anywhere else. This includes wars, which have military hospitals.

“I’m sorry, Miss, but your husband has passed away.”

“He’s dead? What did you do to him? He was alive when I brought him in!”

Don’t let this happen to you. If you or a loved one is ill, please seek professional help at your local clinic or ask your doctor to come to your home.

Many people have died at the hospital, even from routine check-ups. The main cause is the Staff Infection. This is an infection that can only be gotten in a hospital, and seems to be in every hospital around the world. You or your loved one will be in the hospital, perfectly healthy, and become infected, over night. Once the infection has started, the hospital staff will immediately quarantine the patient, where they will die, and will probably be alone.

Hospital supplies are constantly changing and being replaced, yet the infection remains in every hospital. There is only one thing that remains the same, the Staff. Every hospital has hospital Staff. Every hospital has the Staff Infection. This is not a coincidence. There is only one way any patient could become infected with the Staff Infection, and that is if they got it from the Staff at the hospital. There is no known cure for this infection and every “method” that is tried seems to fail, resulting in the death of the patient. The only reasonable solution is that the Staff are the ones killing the patients by giving them an infection that they arrogantly named after themselves, the Staff Infection.

Please, if you care about your loved ones and wish to protect them, and yourself, from certain death, do not check into a hospital. If you ever find yourself in one, leave as soon as you can, and write out your will before your Uncle Dave gets everything your own.


This post is dedicated to the greatest comedian of all time, George Carlin, who died recently, only one week before receiving the “Best Comedian” award. He died of heart failure while lying in the hospital. I never knew him personally, but I will miss him deeply, as will all of you, I’m sure.

I guess he’s down there now, smiling up at us, because we’re next.