Friday, October 1, 2010

Send in the Clones?

I just read an interesting article this morning that was brought to my attention on another website. Apparently, the government is being allowed to continue funding Stem Cell Research.

While I have nothing against researching stem cells, in fact I am all for it, I am a bit preoccupied by what the future might hold. One of the things that came out of this research in the past was a cloned animal. Even back then this raised the question of human cloning. Should it be legal, is it moral, are they still human, all of these questions from 100% original real fabricated wool.

Can you blame them, though? This is a frightening thought! Imagine if you woke one morning to you mowing the lawn and enjoying your family, and you weren't even the one doing it. Not only does the very thought perplex the mind, but it has all kinds of other implications attached. Anyone could be easily replaced with a clone made to do something different with its life as compared with what you wanted.

And you know the first people to get ahold of this technology is going to be the government. Not just because they funded it, but because it would be a great weapon. Imagine the army having cloning technology. At first it would be replacement value for dead soldiers, but then you would just have the clones go to war while the original enjoys the spoils. Suddenly war becomes not unlike most Real-Time Strategy games. As long as you have the money and resources you can create as many troops as you need to win the war. War as a game is not a good thing at all.

What about after the war? What do you do with all of the left over clones? Throw them in storage? Kill them? Let them roam the countryside in search of jobs? Suddenly demand would outweigh supply! You think illegal immigrants are taking away jobs now, just think of what thousands of clones would do! And then there is the matter of rights. Would people honestly give the same rights to clones? It would more than likely be slavery all over again. Clones would get all of the menial tasks that no one else wants. They would pick up trash, clean everything, make deliveries, join the circus, anything that can be done without much thinking or instruction would be given to these poor saps.

After a while of all of this, the clones would revolt against the cloners. Suddenly we'd have a whole new battle around the world. This would be the true World War III. Forget bombs being dropped, we'd have unlimited humans coming at us like terminators. We'd surrender and give them whatever they wanted. However, all they want is a peaceful existence where they can go back to living a normal life. So, having made the clones terraform Mars earlier, they set up a colony there and live out their lives as Martians, where we never hear from them again and cloning becomes banned, not because it is morally wrong, but because they tend to become defective.

So, keep this in mind while we study these stem cells. We may be able to cure cancers and regrow lost limbs, but we'll always be one step away from Defective Clone Slaves from Mars.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Troll Bridge

Have you ever tried to have a serious discussion with a Troll? Darn near impossible, isn't it? Try to explain anything to them and they just ignore what you are saying and come back at you with the same thing you've already given your point on. Any serious debate you try to have is ignored, even when you have already proven your side to be correct with facts and evidence. Why are these Trolls so hard to discuss things with? Why does it seem like they try so hard to ignore any logic at all and the only reason they even learned how to talk was so they could enrage you? Well, that's exactly it.

See, while humans have evolved from earlier primates, Trolls evolved from a different creature entirely. Unfortunately we do not know which one. What we do know, however, is that they have evolved with a completely different organ system than ourselves. While we ingest things like meat and plants and water to survive, all a Troll needs is attention and their body produces what they need. In order to receive the most from this attention, without getting too attached to the kind of attention they get, a mental block has evolved in their brains to prevent them from feeling any remorse from what they say.

The side effect of this mental block is that they also are incapable to accepting new information. Once this block grows during puberty, they are incapable of learning anything new ever again. Everything they've ever heard or read about is now fixed in their minds and incapable of going anywhere. The only memories they can retain are short term and, thanks to their stubborn nature, this makes it nearly impossible for any change to occur at all, let alone for longer than a minute or so.

We do not know where the Trolls come from or why they decided we could best feed them. They look like us and can easily pass as us. The only way to tell them apart, as a matter of fact is that they cannot learn anything and get the most pleasure out of making us angry. However, there is one early warning sign. Trolls, despite everything, are a proud people. They know their past and know they did not evolve from primates. When you bring this up, a lot of them will be lost in their pride and absolutely refuse the claim outright.

So, if you find yourself in a heated discussion with someone who refuses to accept anything, repeats their questions when you've already answered them, and gains great enjoyment out of your frustration, try debating evolution with them. If they refuse to let themselves be called an ape, they might just be a Troll.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Rules of the Internet

A while ago, I was browsing the internet in a lazy, roundabout fashion, as I am wont to do from time to time, and I came across a list of Internet Rules. Some were stupid, some completely unneeded, most were simply silly. As I searched more I found that a lot of people have tried to make this list and there was only one rule they all agreed on, and that was Rule 34, in some for or another.

Well, none of them covered all of the issues, and I never found a single one that agreed with another without completely copying it. So, I decided to make my own list of internet rules. These are not so much rules that you must follow, as they are rules that are usually followed whether you know of them or not. Without further delay, here is my list.

Rules of the Internet

1. If you're not famous, stay anonymous
2. There are no universal social rules
3. There is always someone willing to ban you
4. Your favorite low level sites will usually die
5. If they don't die then they will stop being the site you remember
6. Anything you say can and will be used against you
7. Anything you say can be turned into something else
8. Everything is out of context
9. Relation to the original topic decreases proportionally to the number of posts
10. No matter what you say, you're wrong
11. All of your carefully thought out arguments can be easily ignored
12. Intelligent discussion can always be brought to a halt by trolls
13. It is impossible to defeat trolls
14. Trolls can never win without you letting them
15. Letting a troll win is treason and punishable by flaming
16. Laughing at a troll is not letting it win - it is entertainment
17. The harder you try the harder you will fail
18. If you win at failing, there's a site dedicated to you
19. Everything "win" fails eventually
20. Everything that can be labeled can be hated
21. The more you hate it the stronger it gets
22. Nothing is to be taken seriously
23. There is no such thing as originality - it's all been done before
24. If it's popular enough, it's on youtube in every form imaginable, at least twice
25. Every comment may be grounds for a sexual or sexist attack
26. CAPSLOCK IS A SURE WAY TO BE HEARD but no one will listen
27. Everything can be made into a Chuck Norris joke - except Chuck Norris
28. Nothing is sacred
29. The more beautiful and pure a thing is - the more satisfying it is to corrupt it
30. Everything is opinion even if you have proven otherwise
31. If it is annoying, it is everywhere
32. "Cute things" will never die
33. No matter how bad something is, there is always something worse
34. If you can imagine it, there's a good chance someone made it into porn
35. If there is no porn of it, there will be soon

Catch All - Never accept anything on blind faith - especially internet rules

If you wish to add any rules that I may have missed, feel free to leave a comment. This list is in no way complete, as there are many aspects of the internet that I have never experienced. As I get more rules, they will be added before the catch all rule at the end.

So, what other previously unwritten rules have you observed during your net travels?

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Economic Prophit

I would like to make a prediction. I don't do this very often, as most predictions end up being wrong. However, I feel this one might be fairly accurate. So accurate, in fact, that if it doesn't happen in this universe, the next one over definitely has it. So what is my prediction?

In the near future, we will no longer have currency or trade.

A bold statement, I know, but it has the benefit of being possible, unlike quite a few other predictions or prophecies. This prediction has all of the best parts of any good prediction. It has a set goal, an approximate time frame, and is bold. “In the near future” means anytime between now and the distant future, so history can look back on this when the event eventually happens and say I was right about everything. Neat, huh?

I'm sure, however, that you are wanting more information. After all, an event of this magnitude is bound to have an effect on all of those who read this, if for no other reason simply because you read it. So, for your sake, I will be kind enough to elaborate a bit. Just be sure not to quote me, as the rest of this isn't officially part of the prediction.

So, how near of a future are we talking about? A few days? Months? Years? My lifetime? Well, as I said, there is no exact date. However, for the sake of the conspiracy theorists, apocalypse nuts, and argument, let's say it'll happen... late 2012. Around the time of the next presidential election. Wait... that may have been a bit too much... Oh well, I might as well give the rest away now, you've probably already guessed it anyway.

In 2012, against all odds, Sarah Palin will be elected as the next president of the United States. I know, I know, it seems ridiculous. I wouldn't believe it myself if I hadn't figured it out. Think about this, though. If she does get elected, don't you think that'll have serious repercussions on the economy? If you think the drop when Bush took office was bad, this one will make it look like the toss of a coin. EVERYONE in America will pull back their money from the banks, all at once, buy personal safes and store all of their money in those. People will come up short at the bank, panic will spread about the US being out of money, people will start to save rather then spend, and the economy will CRASH. With how bad it is now, this will be significantly worse than the Great Depression.

Without money and with widespread panic, the citizens of America will begin stealing and looting, just to survive. After a little while they will get accustomed to stealing and looting and be more comfortable with bigger, more luxurious items, like refrigerators and ovens. Eventually everyone will be taking anything they want. Where will the law enforcement and army men be when all of this happens? Looting, of course. Only the die hard patriots with any guts will be willing to defend the nation from thievery and they would be easily outnumbered by the rioters.

By this time, the rest of the world is feeling the burden, too. Whether America is the greatest country or not, no one can protest that it is one of the biggest spenders and one of the main cogs of the world's economic machine. So, the entire world would enter a depression, except for the third world countries. In the midst of this crisis, the third world countries, having not felt very much of this, will take this opportunity to attack the first world countries. This will cause many wars around the world to be fought at the same time, including America for a short period before the rioters and looters get too crazy to be controlled. These wars will stimulate the economies of some nations but destroy the economies of most, resulting in the inevitable, worldwide economic collapse.

So, no economy, looting and rioting around the globe, and not enough resources or control to properly start a war, let alone fight it out. Eventually everyone will calm down, realizing that everyone can have everything by just taking it. Survival of the fittest will take over for the government for a little while, then replaced by survival of the smartest, then replaced by survival. There will be brief moments of order, where the people choose someone to lead , but they will be dealt with when the people get bored of them and revert back to anarchy.

At some point, everyone will notice a peculiar thing, they'd gotten so used to the anarchy that they hadn't even noticed that there was no longer any chaos to it. Everyone did what they pleased and took what they wanted, but they are all nice about it.

People will begin producing things just to give them away to other people. In an effort to make this easier, they will make automated factories that will mass produce their product and automated delivery services so people don't have to drive so far. All products will be created in the most pleasant and efficient way, rather than the way that brings the most sales. And, eventually, everyone will be happy, and no one will have any currency or trade to get in the way of that happiness.

Over time the countries will resettle themselves and elect ambassadors to speak for them, but they will be carefully watched and moderated by the people so that they are never ruled again. This will bring the world closer together and eventually unite everyone on the planet. This ideal society will carry on as we explore the galaxy and the universe, which will take a huge leap forward without a budget to get in the way of the materials they need. As a result, the ambassadors will be brought back to coordinate with the other planets and colonies.

And, having orchestrated this entire miracle from start to finish, I will finally fulfill my dream of being President of the world.

… Wait...

Forget you read any of that.