Sunday, November 23, 2008

Little Deminders

Everyone loves snow flakes. They are some of the most beautiful things in nature and they come in all sizes. There are small ones, big ones, even ball shaped ones and they all come in many other shapes as well. Truly no two snow flakes are alike.

...Or are they?

Not too many people know this, but the snow flakes actually do repeat themselves. There are a wide variety of snow flakes, of course, but every so often the cycle repeats itself. So why don't we notice, you ask? Can it be that we are not able to remember so many different snow flakes? No. If that were the case, we'd still recognise a few. I'm afraid the answer is a lot more complex than that.

To put it simply, there are nuralizers in the snow flakes. Yes, I know it's hard to believe for those of you with tiny minds. Just as it is difficult to make a dog understand physics, but I'll do my best.

For best results, I'd like to run an experiment. Next time you see a snow flake, hold onto that image long enough to draw it on a piece of paper. Continue this process for a while and get back to me when you have a matching pattern.

...Now don't you feel stupid? If this proof isn't enough for you, then think about this. The snow flakes seem to shine and sparkle as they fall, don't they? That's not light reflection. Those are thousands of tiny flashes directed at your eyes by the nuralizers inside each snow flake with the intent of causing you to forget a snow flake with each flash. It's actually a wonderfull system. You might wonder why there are never tiny machines laying around after the snow melts if this were the case, but you see the machines are made out of ice and are wind powered. There can be no other explination.

I hope this has been an enlightening insight for you all and that you will walk the realm of reality with a little more caution from now on. If not, then just try not to stare at the snow flakes. Sometimes they misfire and zap the wrong memory.

I'm the OmniEpic Wizard. I write it so you don't have to.

Turkey Day!!!

Here’s a thought: What’s up with Thanksgiving?

I mean, I understand the concept of the holiday, we are giving thanks for everything we have and will receive. But, wasn’t this holiday made because of the Native-Americans (Hereby Referred To As Indians) having dinner with the Colonists many years ago? They had some food, the colonists had some food, they decided to eat together, in friendship.

However, whether you believe this holiday is all about giving thanks, or celebrating our friendship with the Indians, how did we turn it into what it is today, an all you can eat buffet of turkey, ham, potatoes, eggs, and anything else you can get your hands on? Eliminating the religious aspect of giving thanks to whatever god you believe in, just being thankful for the food is all anyone does anymore, and that’s more like Bart Simpson’s phrase:

Dear Lord, we paid for all this food ourselves, so thanks for nothing.

Like I said, let’s not include religions into this, and just look at the holiday itself. We’ve covered that we don’t give thanks the way we should anymore, so what about the Indians? What are we doing to show friendship to them? Have you seen the decorations for this holiday? One of the prominent ones is a turkey (Smiling, I might add, as opposed to being terrified of being eaten) dressed as a pilgrim and holding an old gun. Where’s the turkey’s brother, the one dressed as an Indian? I know there are decorations out there depicting Indians taking part, but most of it is about the colonists.

In short, this entire holiday has become nothing but a dedication to ourselves, and how much food we can cram into our mouths before the day is through. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, I love a good meal as much as the next man. What I am saying is that this holiday has lost its way.

So, think about this truth, when you and your family are settling down to eat, in whatever room you happen to be sitting in (probably the living room watching Garfield’s Thanksgiving special on TV) and try to give a little more thanks for what you’ve got, and just a tad more for the Indians that made this holiday possible.

Oh yeah, and the stores have been claiming that Christmas is just around the corner for a few months now, so be sure to give thanks for fat men in red coats who break into people’s houses, eat their cookies, drink their milk, and leave random objects under the most flammable object in the room.