Saturday, February 21, 2009

Here Kitty Kitty

Okay, I’m sure a lot of you remember a post I made a couple of years ago… Well, some of you… Maybe one of you…

A couple of years ago I made a post about humanity needing to fight for it’s existence at the hands of the computers and aliens, both of whom would really like to take us over, quickly, efficiently, and probably only after we are all dead. However, I also mentioned something very strange to most people, which didn’t seem to get any kind of reaction at all. I mentioned that cats are sentient beings with great intelligence that allows them to control us.

I know you are thinking to yourself “Yeah well, that joke wasn’t bad enough to question.”

It wasn’t a joke.

In the far, far distant future of 10,000 BC (not the movie) cats will enter our homes, learn to get our attention whenever they want it, teach us to serve their every need (sometimes on hand and foot) and never have to lift a claw again.

Notice the year I listed? BC? This already happened 12,000 years ago! In the middle east a bunch of Wild Cats decided to try living with some humans. It was at this time they found out they could domesticate them and train them to be their servants. Makes you wonder how they managed this. We’ve bested dogs, fish, turtles, birds, rodents, even the insects. So how could we simply give in to the feline when so many others serve us?

It’s because they purr. That’s all it takes. If a cat purrs once, JUST ONCE, you are its slave for life! It’s not because it is cute, it’s because they developed the purr to brainwash humans into doing what they want. If a cat jumps on your lap, lays down, and starts to purr, do you knock it off and get it de-clawed as punishment? No! It’s so nice and comfy and cute! You let it lay there for a good five hours. YOUR LEGS ARE GOING NUMB and yet you refuse to wake the adorable little kitty.

You don’t think cats have us trained? You think we domesticated them? How about a little proof, then.

Your cat meows, you feed it. Your cat goes to the door (If it prefers to be an outside cat), you let it out. It purrs, you pet it. It gets in the way of what you are doing, you pay attention to it. You’ve got work to do on the computer, your cat hit’s the switch, you get angry but pick it up onto your lap as you start all over again and pet it on occasion as it sits there, using you as a bed, because you can’t possibly stay mad at the little kitty that doesn’t know any better.

My Gods, we are a pathetic bunch. We have been completely, and thoroughly beaten into submission by a species the size of our heads with little to know physical strength.

I embrace it, however. As I mentioned in July of ‘07, we are going to need them when the aliens and computers begin to take over. You’ll never see them lift a claw, but they will be helping us in their own, secretive way, just to make sure the race they can control comes out on top.

If you’ll excuse me, it’s time for me to build a shrine in honor of our feline overlords.