Arbitrary Punishment

Ya know, I thought we were a civilized people. I thought we had gone beyond what we call barbaric behavior. So what’s up with us killing people constantly? Sure wars need people who can kill, and it’s hard to stop the criminals from killing, but what about our death penalty? With all of the death around us, it’s apparent that we have become desensitized to it enough to accept it as a suitable penalty for just about anything.

You killed people?

DIE!

You destroyed a city?

DIE!

You won the lottery?

DIE!!!

Why do we feel we need to prove how strong we are by killing everyone that opposes us? I think the death penalty should be abolished in this country. Not because some don’t deserve it, but because it is a huge waste! With how many people die in this country, you’d think we’d want to preserve as many as possible! Instead we are killing them off by the dozen. We are killing so many people, legally, that George Carlin threw it into his act! (WARNING! MATURE CONTENT!)

But this is a huge waste of life. I think we can find a better use for these poor people who have nothing to look forward to but a chair or an injection. If there is one thing we know, as a civilization, it’s how to use resources. And by resources, I of course mean the death row inmates. I think we can all take a chapter out of the game series Halo for this one. In Halo 2, there was a person who was sentenced to death, but instead of out right killing him, they turned him into their Arbiter. Basically, an Arbiter is a soldier that is sent on the most dangerous military missions. These missions are all referred to as suicide missions. The military will get a new soldier that they can send off to do their dirty work, and the victims get their corpse. I think we should use this system in our country.

What I propose is the creation of the Arbiter branch of the military. Everyone placed on Death Row will get a chance to sign a paper that volunteers them for this military role. After going through a strenuous ‘boot camp’ they will be taken into whatever war we happen to ‘not’ be fighting right now, and they will handle all of the most dangerous missions. And, at the end of a certain amount of time serving the country, they will be awarded a presidential pardon from their crimes. Of course, since they are the most dangerous people we have, according to the law, we must take precautions in order to make the people feel safe about their return. We also would have to prepare for their attempt to go AWOL. So, we would need to place a locater chip in each one. Not only would the people feel safer, and the military could keep track of them, but being able to see where every troop is at any given time, you could make a new strategy in the middle of combat and see the results play out on your GPS.

Don’t you think this is a great idea? The victims will probably get the corpse they want, and if they don’t they will at least know the criminal had gone through a severe punishment, of their own choosing, and the military will get the soldiers they’ve been asking for.

Everybody is happy! Well, except the dead people.