Tuesday, May 22, 2007

False Claims

Spam is very interesting, isn’t it? Let’s look at some history.

In the beginning, man created meat. He used sharp stones and sticks to kill an animal, as is the way of nature, and ate whatever he could.

In the end of the beginning, woman created better meat. She let man do all the hard work, as is the way of nature, then threw the meat into the fire and ate it. Slight burns occurred, but the meat was good, as well as germ free.

Many years later, man created mystery meat, thus SPAM was born. SPAM was named the perfect meat and the world was happy.

After the internet was created, SPAM became digital. Instead of the meaty goodness man and woman anticipated, the SPAM mutated into garbled advertisements that no one seems to want.

Nobody ever wants spam, so why is it sent? All it does is get sent to a special folder just for spam, where little blue men take it and return it to its original, meatly good form. Does anyone actually read spam, and decide “Ya know? I think I’ll claim this offer, although I never entered a contest of any kind and I don’t really need this product.” and go ahead and click the link provided, being fully aware that more spam will ensue? I certainly hope the world is not that gullible. Maybe spam (as apposed to SPAM) is sent to random e-mail address by random, sentient computers as an attempt to overflow e-mail inboxes around the world to prevent the “ugly bags of mostly water” known as humans from communicating with each other in an attempt to take the internet for themselves.

Next time you receive a spam message, be sure to read it carefully, and then use this letter to fight back at the computers that hope to overthrow the world.

Dear "Spam Sender"

In the interest of your safety as well as my own, I would like to confirm if this is indeed a real offer, and that you actually have the wrong person for this claim.

Whether this claim is, in fact, a realistic endeavor to bestow a monetary sum/high priced product or just another hoax to gain the identity of a poor fool, I must inform you that I am unable to comply at this time. My reasons are many and include that I refuse to give out personal information as well as my having never entered any contest, especially for this amount/item.

In my opinion, you are either a hoax designed to gain the information of a sap or you have the wrong e-mail address. In either case, you have no reason to be sending me these e-mails. As much as I would like to gain this money/product, I would not want to fall for an obvious trap, nor would I want to take from anyone who actually earned it.

Please be sure to take your contest elsewhere and refrain from sending me any more e-mails.

Yours Truly,


ginny1936 said...

Bolt, I have just finished reading your comments on Spam. I love the way you started out with the real meat. And then went to the heart of the story. I have to agree on spam. And your letter to send to all spam senders is great. Keep up the good work. Grandma

Aj the snipe said...

well as we all know, its gotten worse. not just in your email but some of your favorite sites have those LINKS or the POPUP ads its gotten so rediculous that i can see that spam will have spam in it and it will be an endless loop untill death comes and spams us some more. for some reason i am one of those that like that mystery meat.

Anonymous said...

Hey hun I love what you wrote here. Keep up the good work. Love you!!

road rager said...

Hey Bolt you know me road rager wow the stuff you typed is really true dude you are really creative with these random thoughts but you started it out so true