This is a Public Service Announcement, sponsored by Families Ranting About Underhanded Doctoral Service.
Anyone who is sick, feels sick, or knows someone who is/feels sick, DO NOT GO TO THE HOSPITAL! You may visit the clinic, you may see your doctor, you may acquire medication from your local pharmacy, but DO NOT GO TO THE HOSPITAL! Statistics have shown that more people die in the hospital than anywhere else. This includes wars, which have military hospitals.
“I’m sorry, Miss, but your husband has passed away.”
“He’s dead? What did you do to him? He was alive when I brought him in!”
Don’t let this happen to you. If you or a loved one is ill, please seek professional help at your local clinic or ask your doctor to come to your home.
Many people have died at the hospital, even from routine check-ups. The main cause is the Staff Infection. This is an infection that can only be gotten in a hospital, and seems to be in every hospital around the world. You or your loved one will be in the hospital, perfectly healthy, and become infected, over night. Once the infection has started, the hospital staff will immediately quarantine the patient, where they will die, and will probably be alone.
Hospital supplies are constantly changing and being replaced, yet the infection remains in every hospital. There is only one thing that remains the same, the Staff. Every hospital has hospital Staff. Every hospital has the Staff Infection. This is not a coincidence. There is only one way any patient could become infected with the Staff Infection, and that is if they got it from the Staff at the hospital. There is no known cure for this infection and every “method” that is tried seems to fail, resulting in the death of the patient. The only reasonable solution is that the Staff are the ones killing the patients by giving them an infection that they arrogantly named after themselves, the Staff Infection.
Please, if you care about your loved ones and wish to protect them, and yourself, from certain death, do not check into a hospital. If you ever find yourself in one, leave as soon as you can, and write out your will before your Uncle Dave gets everything your own.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This post is dedicated to the greatest comedian of all time, George Carlin, who died recently, only one week before receiving the “Best Comedian” award. He died of heart failure while lying in the hospital. I never knew him personally, but I will miss him deeply, as will all of you, I’m sure.
I guess he’s down there now, smiling up at us, because we’re next.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Think for yourself
I’ve found free will! It’s hard to imagine this sentence starting a blog entry, but I had, indeed, found it!
Let’s start by taking science into consideration. According to our biology, we have no free will. We simply walk around, reacting certain ways to certain things. We think we are making choices for ourselves, but it is our experience that drives our decisions. When you are asked a yes or no question, you usually speak the truth.
Are you alive?
Yes.
However, based on who is asking the question, under what situation, and from past experience, you could answer with a lie.
You get shot by a rather dim-witted person.
Are you alive?
No.
Well, alright.
See? It was not your will that made you say no, but your experience. Obviously, this is not the best example, but it will do. Let’s try not to focus on why we don’t have individual free will, and try to get back on the real topic.
As you may have noted from the last sentence, I said “individual” free will. What I’m implying is that you do not have a will of your own, you only gain free will in groups.
Many times, police, governments, even normal citizens have noticed that people are calm, collected, and predictable when they are alone. However, you group a bunch of them together, and you get an unpredictable bunch, where anything can happen. It takes a large group of people to cause this, which is why it usually only happens with angry mobs or soccer riots, it is nearly impossible to get that many people organized, much less for the same cause. However, in that brief moment where all of those people are together, there is free will. You are no longer acting on previous experience, the group, as a whole is deciding things instantly, without thinking about the before or after. Where else do you see free will? Where else do you see this strange behavior, the unpredictability, the large group of people, acting without relying on the past or thinking about the future? I present to you, exhibit B, the internet.
That’s right. Apart from mobs, riots, or anything similar, the internet is the only thing that can generate free will. While you are online, you have the potential to meet thousands of people, within minutes, all of which will effect you differently. This already has an impact on you and your daily life. What you don’t see, however, is that you are on the borderline of free will while you are online, interacting with these people. The internet is the largest gathering of people mankind has ever known. And we all know people evolve better in groups.
We started off alone, not knowing what to do. We formed tribes, giving a bit of order, and slight unpredictability. As technology grew more advanced, people combined into larger groups, becoming more willed, and more intelligent. It only makes sense that this trend would continue. It is only a matter of time before we all join together, thinking as one. That is the point in time when our free will shall emerge. That point is when we will all think for ourselves, and no longer rely purely on the past to predict our future, when we will begin to make decisions immediately, without waiting to see what might happen, and without the brain preparing ourselves, and the world around us for our eventual response.
That is free will.
Let’s start by taking science into consideration. According to our biology, we have no free will. We simply walk around, reacting certain ways to certain things. We think we are making choices for ourselves, but it is our experience that drives our decisions. When you are asked a yes or no question, you usually speak the truth.
Are you alive?
Yes.
However, based on who is asking the question, under what situation, and from past experience, you could answer with a lie.
You get shot by a rather dim-witted person.
Are you alive?
No.
Well, alright.
See? It was not your will that made you say no, but your experience. Obviously, this is not the best example, but it will do. Let’s try not to focus on why we don’t have individual free will, and try to get back on the real topic.
As you may have noted from the last sentence, I said “individual” free will. What I’m implying is that you do not have a will of your own, you only gain free will in groups.
Many times, police, governments, even normal citizens have noticed that people are calm, collected, and predictable when they are alone. However, you group a bunch of them together, and you get an unpredictable bunch, where anything can happen. It takes a large group of people to cause this, which is why it usually only happens with angry mobs or soccer riots, it is nearly impossible to get that many people organized, much less for the same cause. However, in that brief moment where all of those people are together, there is free will. You are no longer acting on previous experience, the group, as a whole is deciding things instantly, without thinking about the before or after. Where else do you see free will? Where else do you see this strange behavior, the unpredictability, the large group of people, acting without relying on the past or thinking about the future? I present to you, exhibit B, the internet.
That’s right. Apart from mobs, riots, or anything similar, the internet is the only thing that can generate free will. While you are online, you have the potential to meet thousands of people, within minutes, all of which will effect you differently. This already has an impact on you and your daily life. What you don’t see, however, is that you are on the borderline of free will while you are online, interacting with these people. The internet is the largest gathering of people mankind has ever known. And we all know people evolve better in groups.
We started off alone, not knowing what to do. We formed tribes, giving a bit of order, and slight unpredictability. As technology grew more advanced, people combined into larger groups, becoming more willed, and more intelligent. It only makes sense that this trend would continue. It is only a matter of time before we all join together, thinking as one. That is the point in time when our free will shall emerge. That point is when we will all think for ourselves, and no longer rely purely on the past to predict our future, when we will begin to make decisions immediately, without waiting to see what might happen, and without the brain preparing ourselves, and the world around us for our eventual response.
That is free will.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Life Revoked
I think it’s safe to say that our future is pretty well set in stone. Not literally, of course. Scientists have found the answers to many secrets that we have been asking questions about for a long time, normal people have been finding their own answers to these same questions. Even the media has figured out that something is happening that others would like to know about that doesn’t involve ruining someone’s life. The secrets I refer to may be too hard for some to grasp, for the secrets are the keys to longevity.
Allow me to simplify this term. Longevity is, in a nut shell, the ability to live for a long time. According to scientists, people being born now have a strong chance to live to be 150 years old. In that time frame, scientists will have come up with something else to increase the life span of the populace. Already, as we are now, people in their forties can, almost literally, turn back the clock to when they were twenty. So, those people living to be 150 may only seem like they are in their seventies, by that point in time. And, since there are people alive now, going into their hundreds, seventies isn’t much. In order for them to reach the new equivalent of 100, they would probably need to reach 200, and, of course, by then they would have figured out something else.
Ladies and gentlemen of the internet, I am happy to announce that your children will be able to live forever, with the new advances of science, and probably yourselves as well. Sure, at first we will live into eternity as old, frail beings, but, as time goes by, we will regain our youth and revert to whatever age we want. Eventually, you will be able to pick an age and stick with it for the rest of your life, for however long you think that should be.
Unfortunately, no good thing lasts forever, not even immortality. As the years drag on, you will become bored with your new existence. You will go to work, find you don’t know the job anymore, go to school, learn what you need to know, go back to work, lather , rinse, repeat. Eventually, the routine will become dull. One day, you’ll find yourself quitting your job because you will have become bored of it. You’ll go to a new place to work and you will start at the lowest level, not because you are inexperienced, but because you want to have the full experience and you’ve got enough money to last you for a while. It will be like you were a character in The Sims and someone turned off aging. After a while, your life ceases to have personal meaning.
Of course, boredom is the least of your worries. We all know how the government works. If anything is worth having, it’s worthwhile to limit it. Get used to the phrase, only the poor die young. It will get to the point where you will need a license to live forever. If you are productive, wanted, needed, or wealthy enough, you will gain a license to remain alive. This Living License will cost tons of money, and will be the most fought after card you’ll ever find, and yes, it will be a card. This card will fit nicely into your wallet, or fit on your keychain, depending on which one you bought. The smaller one will cost more than the larger one, because it will be made after the initial card, thus everyone will want it, which will raise the cost more. At some point, the card will be so expensive that only the richest people in the world could afford one, and only the most needed people would be given on for free. As this nightmare becomes reality, the ones who discovered the cure to death will be long since dead, not wanting to go on anymore, and those that bought the licensing rights will become rich men, live forever, having got their licenses before anyone else, and continue to get richer.
Seems like a strange and horrible future, doesn’t it? There will be quite a few people that won’t believe this. It may be hard to accept, but don’t come crawling to me when your license to live gets revoked.
Allow me to simplify this term. Longevity is, in a nut shell, the ability to live for a long time. According to scientists, people being born now have a strong chance to live to be 150 years old. In that time frame, scientists will have come up with something else to increase the life span of the populace. Already, as we are now, people in their forties can, almost literally, turn back the clock to when they were twenty. So, those people living to be 150 may only seem like they are in their seventies, by that point in time. And, since there are people alive now, going into their hundreds, seventies isn’t much. In order for them to reach the new equivalent of 100, they would probably need to reach 200, and, of course, by then they would have figured out something else.
Ladies and gentlemen of the internet, I am happy to announce that your children will be able to live forever, with the new advances of science, and probably yourselves as well. Sure, at first we will live into eternity as old, frail beings, but, as time goes by, we will regain our youth and revert to whatever age we want. Eventually, you will be able to pick an age and stick with it for the rest of your life, for however long you think that should be.
Unfortunately, no good thing lasts forever, not even immortality. As the years drag on, you will become bored with your new existence. You will go to work, find you don’t know the job anymore, go to school, learn what you need to know, go back to work, lather , rinse, repeat. Eventually, the routine will become dull. One day, you’ll find yourself quitting your job because you will have become bored of it. You’ll go to a new place to work and you will start at the lowest level, not because you are inexperienced, but because you want to have the full experience and you’ve got enough money to last you for a while. It will be like you were a character in The Sims and someone turned off aging. After a while, your life ceases to have personal meaning.
Of course, boredom is the least of your worries. We all know how the government works. If anything is worth having, it’s worthwhile to limit it. Get used to the phrase, only the poor die young. It will get to the point where you will need a license to live forever. If you are productive, wanted, needed, or wealthy enough, you will gain a license to remain alive. This Living License will cost tons of money, and will be the most fought after card you’ll ever find, and yes, it will be a card. This card will fit nicely into your wallet, or fit on your keychain, depending on which one you bought. The smaller one will cost more than the larger one, because it will be made after the initial card, thus everyone will want it, which will raise the cost more. At some point, the card will be so expensive that only the richest people in the world could afford one, and only the most needed people would be given on for free. As this nightmare becomes reality, the ones who discovered the cure to death will be long since dead, not wanting to go on anymore, and those that bought the licensing rights will become rich men, live forever, having got their licenses before anyone else, and continue to get richer.
Seems like a strange and horrible future, doesn’t it? There will be quite a few people that won’t believe this. It may be hard to accept, but don’t come crawling to me when your license to live gets revoked.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Neat Trick
It is currently snowing in Hawaii.
Don’t you believe me? Do you live in Hawaii? Are you looking outside right now? Unless you can answer yes to both of those questions, then you can’t say I’m wrong. For all you know, it is snowing in Hawaii, very heavily. Volcanoes, long since dormant, are filling up to the brim with snow, and Hawaiians are snow boarding down their slopes, which eventually hit the water, turning their snow boarding into surfing, officially making Hawaii the coolest place to live with the coolest sport ever, Downhill Aqua Boarding.
Now, obviously, we all know it is very rare to see snow in Hawaii, and many people will say that the weather stations aren’t reporting anything like that. However, unless you are there right now, looking at it, you don’t know for sure. The weather station could have made a mistake, it’s been known to happen. You can’t see Hawaii to prove that it is still sunny and no snow can be found. So, according to your current perspective, there could very well be Hawaiians Aqua Boarding down volcano slopes.
Unless you look out your window, you can’t even prove that the outside world exists right now. As you are reading this, the outside world has come to a complete halt in your mind. All you know is in that room, everything else is a memory. You think the grass outside is still green, but you only know that because it was the last time you saw it. For all you know something happened to make it turn orange. In fact, your yard could be gone completely, assuming you even had one in the first place. Are there even lines on the roads anymore? What about the other rooms in the building? Are they still there? How do you know? You better check, they might not be.
It’s amazing how much we assume, simply because it’s how we left it, or it’s what we’ve been told. Religious people assume God exists. He may or may not, but everyone that is religious believes that He does. Why? Because they have been told so. The Bible says so. The preacher says so. Their friends say so. But they have no proof, other than that things exist, they had to come from somewhere, and this is the most logical explanation they have. God is a very touchy subject, so let’s use something else. You assume that the roads you drive on (or ride on if you take public transit) are there in the morning, when you are about to take them. They were there the last time you took them, so why not? But you don’t really know, do you? You think you do, but you don’t. You are working from past information.
You could be looking at an object, blink, and in the time it took you to blink, that object, in your mind, has moved from the present into the past. While you are blinking, you no longer know that object is there. For all you know, it vanished while you had your eyes closed. You only assume that it is there, while you are opening your eyes, because it was there a second ago, just before the blink.
You don’t think this could happen? How many times have you lost something?
“Well, gee, it was here a second ago…”
You lose things because they are no longer where you put them. However, to you, up until that moment, that item was in that exact spot. You knew it was there, and you were simply going to pick it up again. In the amount of time it took you to look away and look back, it moved. You were only assuming it was still there because you remembered it being there.
Let’s say someone told you where something was. You expect this info to be right because you trust this person. However, you go to this location, only to find out they are in error. Until that exact moment, you believed that this thing was in this place, when it actually was not. Your friend still believes that this thing is in this place. Technically, for the two of you, that thing is and is not there, at the same time. Isn’t that freaky?
Now that we've got that straightened out, happy Aqua Boarding, Hawaiians.
Don’t you believe me? Do you live in Hawaii? Are you looking outside right now? Unless you can answer yes to both of those questions, then you can’t say I’m wrong. For all you know, it is snowing in Hawaii, very heavily. Volcanoes, long since dormant, are filling up to the brim with snow, and Hawaiians are snow boarding down their slopes, which eventually hit the water, turning their snow boarding into surfing, officially making Hawaii the coolest place to live with the coolest sport ever, Downhill Aqua Boarding.
Now, obviously, we all know it is very rare to see snow in Hawaii, and many people will say that the weather stations aren’t reporting anything like that. However, unless you are there right now, looking at it, you don’t know for sure. The weather station could have made a mistake, it’s been known to happen. You can’t see Hawaii to prove that it is still sunny and no snow can be found. So, according to your current perspective, there could very well be Hawaiians Aqua Boarding down volcano slopes.
Unless you look out your window, you can’t even prove that the outside world exists right now. As you are reading this, the outside world has come to a complete halt in your mind. All you know is in that room, everything else is a memory. You think the grass outside is still green, but you only know that because it was the last time you saw it. For all you know something happened to make it turn orange. In fact, your yard could be gone completely, assuming you even had one in the first place. Are there even lines on the roads anymore? What about the other rooms in the building? Are they still there? How do you know? You better check, they might not be.
It’s amazing how much we assume, simply because it’s how we left it, or it’s what we’ve been told. Religious people assume God exists. He may or may not, but everyone that is religious believes that He does. Why? Because they have been told so. The Bible says so. The preacher says so. Their friends say so. But they have no proof, other than that things exist, they had to come from somewhere, and this is the most logical explanation they have. God is a very touchy subject, so let’s use something else. You assume that the roads you drive on (or ride on if you take public transit) are there in the morning, when you are about to take them. They were there the last time you took them, so why not? But you don’t really know, do you? You think you do, but you don’t. You are working from past information.
You could be looking at an object, blink, and in the time it took you to blink, that object, in your mind, has moved from the present into the past. While you are blinking, you no longer know that object is there. For all you know, it vanished while you had your eyes closed. You only assume that it is there, while you are opening your eyes, because it was there a second ago, just before the blink.
You don’t think this could happen? How many times have you lost something?
“Well, gee, it was here a second ago…”
You lose things because they are no longer where you put them. However, to you, up until that moment, that item was in that exact spot. You knew it was there, and you were simply going to pick it up again. In the amount of time it took you to look away and look back, it moved. You were only assuming it was still there because you remembered it being there.
Let’s say someone told you where something was. You expect this info to be right because you trust this person. However, you go to this location, only to find out they are in error. Until that exact moment, you believed that this thing was in this place, when it actually was not. Your friend still believes that this thing is in this place. Technically, for the two of you, that thing is and is not there, at the same time. Isn’t that freaky?
Now that we've got that straightened out, happy Aqua Boarding, Hawaiians.
Friday, February 29, 2008
It Must Be True
Welcome to the first EVER published issue of this hit article series! This article will feature testimonials from real people, in real situations, with real problems and real stories to tell. And remember, if you’ve read it on the internet -
IT MUST BE TRUE!!!
There’s a little secret that Bill Gates and the people of Microsoft don’t want you to know. There is actually a loophole in the programming of Microsoft Outlook, and many other e-mail programs, that will allow someone to send you a file which contains a virus and the program will open it automatically, unleashing the virus upon your virtual desktop, and infecting all of your computer’s files. It’s true. It was demonstrated one morning by a young group of hackers, the infamous Cult of the Dead Cow.
As long as we are dealing with e-mails and hacking, make sure to watch out for an old, legendary hacker that’s been harassing many people lately. He is only known by the name B1FF. This hacker is of a specialized sort. Instead of causing destruction and chaos wherever he goes, he chooses to set a date for his mischief. That date is February 14th, Valentine’s Day. Some say he lost his love to an internet boyfriend, some claim he’s a she that never managed to snag a husband. There are even a few people saying that he is an old hermit hacker, from back in the day when Al Gore invented the internet, and the first hackers were born, and he just happens to hate that holiday. However, regardless what the reason is, you should leave your computer off, and never login to your e-mail account on Valentine’s Day. Sure, you may miss your chance at getting a Valentine on time, but the alternative is much worse. B1FF specializes in letter bombs. He sends an e-mail to you, which will open automatically upon receiving it, if you are logged in on February 14th, and cause your entire computer to explode! Net Police are still trying to track down this culprit.
Did you know it’s possible to make tons of money, just by giving some away? It’s true! If you ever receive a letter asking you to send back a dollar to all previous recipients, do it. Then scratch off the top name on the list and add yours to the bottom and send that sucker on. Within no time, you will be raking in cash like it was nothing. The more people you send that letter on to, the more money you will get from the recipients. Not a bad way to make a living, eh? And even if only one person from each letter sends you a dollar, you will still break even. Isn’t that something?
Speaking of making money, how many e-mails have you gotten from people in the UK asking you to hold onto their money while they transfer to this country? Apparently, there are thousands of people in the UK who are stupid enough to trust any random American with their fortune while they transfer into the country, leaving behind their wonderful job and life to live the American dream. Do yourself a favor and sneak a bit of this cash into your own pocket. These people are rich, what do they care if some is missing. And remember, they are giving up everything to trust you with their hard earned cash while they move, so if there is nothing when they get here, they can’t do anything to you, so take what you can hold.
Oh, be sure to steer clear of all parties from now on, especially if they have drugs. Apparently the party goers may in fact be student doctors, with powerful knockout drugs and surgery equipment and they may be more interested in stealing your kidneys and selling them, then having a good time. Kidneys are worth around $10,000 on the Black Market, ya know. Why would any medical student want to waste their lives practicing medicine for their six-figure income, when they can just steal body parts for a living? Hey, at least they leave you with a phone and a note to dial 911 when they are done. Who knows how long you can go without your kidneys?
And, finally, there is one serious issue I wish to cover. There is a dieing boy at the Mayo Clinic named Anthony Parkin. There is no cure for what he has, and he knows he will be going soon. As his dieing wish, he wants to see his chain letter mailed around the world, and keep going. So, if you see a letter from this dear, sweat, sick boy, please send it on. It’s his last wish, don’t deprive him of it.
These were real testimonials from real people, in real situations, with real problems and real stories to tell. Join us next time when we cover the scandal that made George Bush III, the youngest president ever, and how Tommy Hilfiger confessed his racism on Oprah.
And remember, if you’ve read it on the internet -
IT MUST BE TRUE!!!
There’s a little secret that Bill Gates and the people of Microsoft don’t want you to know. There is actually a loophole in the programming of Microsoft Outlook, and many other e-mail programs, that will allow someone to send you a file which contains a virus and the program will open it automatically, unleashing the virus upon your virtual desktop, and infecting all of your computer’s files. It’s true. It was demonstrated one morning by a young group of hackers, the infamous Cult of the Dead Cow.
As long as we are dealing with e-mails and hacking, make sure to watch out for an old, legendary hacker that’s been harassing many people lately. He is only known by the name B1FF. This hacker is of a specialized sort. Instead of causing destruction and chaos wherever he goes, he chooses to set a date for his mischief. That date is February 14th, Valentine’s Day. Some say he lost his love to an internet boyfriend, some claim he’s a she that never managed to snag a husband. There are even a few people saying that he is an old hermit hacker, from back in the day when Al Gore invented the internet, and the first hackers were born, and he just happens to hate that holiday. However, regardless what the reason is, you should leave your computer off, and never login to your e-mail account on Valentine’s Day. Sure, you may miss your chance at getting a Valentine on time, but the alternative is much worse. B1FF specializes in letter bombs. He sends an e-mail to you, which will open automatically upon receiving it, if you are logged in on February 14th, and cause your entire computer to explode! Net Police are still trying to track down this culprit.
Did you know it’s possible to make tons of money, just by giving some away? It’s true! If you ever receive a letter asking you to send back a dollar to all previous recipients, do it. Then scratch off the top name on the list and add yours to the bottom and send that sucker on. Within no time, you will be raking in cash like it was nothing. The more people you send that letter on to, the more money you will get from the recipients. Not a bad way to make a living, eh? And even if only one person from each letter sends you a dollar, you will still break even. Isn’t that something?
Speaking of making money, how many e-mails have you gotten from people in the UK asking you to hold onto their money while they transfer to this country? Apparently, there are thousands of people in the UK who are stupid enough to trust any random American with their fortune while they transfer into the country, leaving behind their wonderful job and life to live the American dream. Do yourself a favor and sneak a bit of this cash into your own pocket. These people are rich, what do they care if some is missing. And remember, they are giving up everything to trust you with their hard earned cash while they move, so if there is nothing when they get here, they can’t do anything to you, so take what you can hold.
Oh, be sure to steer clear of all parties from now on, especially if they have drugs. Apparently the party goers may in fact be student doctors, with powerful knockout drugs and surgery equipment and they may be more interested in stealing your kidneys and selling them, then having a good time. Kidneys are worth around $10,000 on the Black Market, ya know. Why would any medical student want to waste their lives practicing medicine for their six-figure income, when they can just steal body parts for a living? Hey, at least they leave you with a phone and a note to dial 911 when they are done. Who knows how long you can go without your kidneys?
And, finally, there is one serious issue I wish to cover. There is a dieing boy at the Mayo Clinic named Anthony Parkin. There is no cure for what he has, and he knows he will be going soon. As his dieing wish, he wants to see his chain letter mailed around the world, and keep going. So, if you see a letter from this dear, sweat, sick boy, please send it on. It’s his last wish, don’t deprive him of it.
These were real testimonials from real people, in real situations, with real problems and real stories to tell. Join us next time when we cover the scandal that made George Bush III, the youngest president ever, and how Tommy Hilfiger confessed his racism on Oprah.
And remember, if you’ve read it on the internet -
IT MUST BE TRUE!!!
Monday, February 25, 2008
Arbitrary Punishment
Ya know, I thought we were a civilized people. I thought we had gone beyond what we call barbaric behavior. So what’s up with us killing people constantly? Sure wars need people who can kill, and it’s hard to stop the criminals from killing, but what about our death penalty? With all of the death around us, it’s apparent that we have become desensitized to it enough to accept it as a suitable penalty for just about anything.
You killed people?
DIE!
You destroyed a city?
DIE!
You won the lottery?
DIE!!!
Why do we feel we need to prove how strong we are by killing everyone that opposes us? I think the death penalty should be abolished in this country. Not because some don’t deserve it, but because it is a huge waste! With how many people die in this country, you’d think we’d want to preserve as many as possible! Instead we are killing them off by the dozen. We are killing so many people, legally, that George Carlin threw it into his act! (WARNING! MATURE CONTENT!)
But this is a huge waste of life. I think we can find a better use for these poor people who have nothing to look forward to but a chair or an injection. If there is one thing we know, as a civilization, it’s how to use resources. And by resources, I of course mean the death row inmates. I think we can all take a chapter out of the game series Halo for this one. In Halo 2, there was a person who was sentenced to death, but instead of out right killing him, they turned him into their Arbiter. Basically, an Arbiter is a soldier that is sent on the most dangerous military missions. These missions are all referred to as suicide missions. The military will get a new soldier that they can send off to do their dirty work, and the victims get their corpse. I think we should use this system in our country.
What I propose is the creation of the Arbiter branch of the military. Everyone placed on Death Row will get a chance to sign a paper that volunteers them for this military role. After going through a strenuous ‘boot camp’ they will be taken into whatever war we happen to ‘not’ be fighting right now, and they will handle all of the most dangerous missions. And, at the end of a certain amount of time serving the country, they will be awarded a presidential pardon from their crimes. Of course, since they are the most dangerous people we have, according to the law, we must take precautions in order to make the people feel safe about their return. We also would have to prepare for their attempt to go AWOL. So, we would need to place a locater chip in each one. Not only would the people feel safer, and the military could keep track of them, but being able to see where every troop is at any given time, you could make a new strategy in the middle of combat and see the results play out on your GPS.
Don’t you think this is a great idea? The victims will probably get the corpse they want, and if they don’t they will at least know the criminal had gone through a severe punishment, of their own choosing, and the military will get the soldiers they’ve been asking for.
Everybody is happy! Well, except the dead people.
You killed people?
DIE!
You destroyed a city?
DIE!
You won the lottery?
DIE!!!
Why do we feel we need to prove how strong we are by killing everyone that opposes us? I think the death penalty should be abolished in this country. Not because some don’t deserve it, but because it is a huge waste! With how many people die in this country, you’d think we’d want to preserve as many as possible! Instead we are killing them off by the dozen. We are killing so many people, legally, that George Carlin threw it into his act! (WARNING! MATURE CONTENT!)
But this is a huge waste of life. I think we can find a better use for these poor people who have nothing to look forward to but a chair or an injection. If there is one thing we know, as a civilization, it’s how to use resources. And by resources, I of course mean the death row inmates. I think we can all take a chapter out of the game series Halo for this one. In Halo 2, there was a person who was sentenced to death, but instead of out right killing him, they turned him into their Arbiter. Basically, an Arbiter is a soldier that is sent on the most dangerous military missions. These missions are all referred to as suicide missions. The military will get a new soldier that they can send off to do their dirty work, and the victims get their corpse. I think we should use this system in our country.
What I propose is the creation of the Arbiter branch of the military. Everyone placed on Death Row will get a chance to sign a paper that volunteers them for this military role. After going through a strenuous ‘boot camp’ they will be taken into whatever war we happen to ‘not’ be fighting right now, and they will handle all of the most dangerous missions. And, at the end of a certain amount of time serving the country, they will be awarded a presidential pardon from their crimes. Of course, since they are the most dangerous people we have, according to the law, we must take precautions in order to make the people feel safe about their return. We also would have to prepare for their attempt to go AWOL. So, we would need to place a locater chip in each one. Not only would the people feel safer, and the military could keep track of them, but being able to see where every troop is at any given time, you could make a new strategy in the middle of combat and see the results play out on your GPS.
Don’t you think this is a great idea? The victims will probably get the corpse they want, and if they don’t they will at least know the criminal had gone through a severe punishment, of their own choosing, and the military will get the soldiers they’ve been asking for.
Everybody is happy! Well, except the dead people.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Valentine Humbug
I bet you came to this site, hoping to see another Valentine’s Day blog. Another cute little story about how I met this girl, and we’ve been in love for years now, and I got her this cute little bear that had a white shirt on with a red heart, and it was holding a single piece of chocolate fudge with a mint center and it was the sweetest thing ever.
*Sigh*
Well too bad! I’m not gonna give you the satisfaction of a traditional blog entry for this holiday. Why? Because the people that celebrate this holiday don’t care about anyone but themselves! All they are interested in is helping out their relationship with their guy or girl. What about the people who have no such relationship? What about the people that broke up and have no one to go to? What about the people that have not found their ‘significant other’ yet? How are these people supposed to celebrate Valentine’s Day? What do you want them to do, give a heart-shaped box of chocolates to themselves? I think they feel bad enough without that pity party. What about setting them up on a date? I bet you know many friends that they might like. What a great gift on Valentine’s Day, setting your friend up on a blind date with the first person you can think of. Haven’t they been tortured enough?
Ah, but those people will be fine. They’ve survived this day before, and they’ll find love eventually. But if you won’t hold back your love and chocolates for those that have not, then think of the poor Hermit. Think of the old man, living by himself in the house on the hill. Everyone knows him. He’s the mean old man who has nobody and wants nobody. All he wants is to be left alone. He hates it when a random girl in pigtails and shorts walks up to his house, rings his doorbell and slides a valentine under his door, giggling, because they think he’s lonely and just wants somebody to love him. Well, he’s not lonely! In fact, he loves the peace and quiet of his home, and would rather die than associate with the likes of you! And he hates the people that celebrate this day the most! He can’t stand glancing out his window to find people kissing and hugging and smooching and cuddling and walking down the sidewalk, holding hands and giving each other little hearts or cards with a naked kid on it with wings. The Hermit would like nothing better than to forget the world and forget this day. But everyone just keeps bugging him about it.
So, for once in your lives, please, be kind to someone other than yourselves today. Think of the Hermit.
*Sigh*
Well too bad! I’m not gonna give you the satisfaction of a traditional blog entry for this holiday. Why? Because the people that celebrate this holiday don’t care about anyone but themselves! All they are interested in is helping out their relationship with their guy or girl. What about the people who have no such relationship? What about the people that broke up and have no one to go to? What about the people that have not found their ‘significant other’ yet? How are these people supposed to celebrate Valentine’s Day? What do you want them to do, give a heart-shaped box of chocolates to themselves? I think they feel bad enough without that pity party. What about setting them up on a date? I bet you know many friends that they might like. What a great gift on Valentine’s Day, setting your friend up on a blind date with the first person you can think of. Haven’t they been tortured enough?
Ah, but those people will be fine. They’ve survived this day before, and they’ll find love eventually. But if you won’t hold back your love and chocolates for those that have not, then think of the poor Hermit. Think of the old man, living by himself in the house on the hill. Everyone knows him. He’s the mean old man who has nobody and wants nobody. All he wants is to be left alone. He hates it when a random girl in pigtails and shorts walks up to his house, rings his doorbell and slides a valentine under his door, giggling, because they think he’s lonely and just wants somebody to love him. Well, he’s not lonely! In fact, he loves the peace and quiet of his home, and would rather die than associate with the likes of you! And he hates the people that celebrate this day the most! He can’t stand glancing out his window to find people kissing and hugging and smooching and cuddling and walking down the sidewalk, holding hands and giving each other little hearts or cards with a naked kid on it with wings. The Hermit would like nothing better than to forget the world and forget this day. But everyone just keeps bugging him about it.
So, for once in your lives, please, be kind to someone other than yourselves today. Think of the Hermit.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
I Didn't Do It
Human Nature is the topic of the day. That, and observation. Both seem to be reoccurring themes in this blog. Let’s start with one of the basics.
It is in human nature to completely deny responsibility, and to pass the blame onto others, even when you aren’t even at fault in the first place. For example, someone passes by a precariously stacked group of papers. It’s been sitting there for weeks, just piling up hazardously, and that person happens to walk by just moments before the entire pile falls over. What’s their first reaction?
“It's not my fault!”
Of course it wasn’t their fault, but they’re already passing the blame. Everyone knows they had nothing to do with that and won’t blame that person for it’s collapse… Unless the pile of papers fell onto a lit candle and burned down the house, then someone might start pointing fingers.
Let’s say someone passes gas in a small room or car. Everyone knows who did it, but that person still refuses responsibility for their actions. It’s a simple matter, and the people only want confirmation, and maybe a polite warning in the future. Instead, the owner of the noxious vapor won’t even commit themselves to a simple smell, as if this bodily function is something to be ashamed of. Then again, if it’s strong enough, you tend to get a lot of people claiming them, even if they didn’t do it, just because they want something to be proud of. Otherwise, it’s the same story.
“Wasn’t me!”
One of the main items when discussing human nature is laziness. People are very lazy. Most people would say they’ve gotten lazier, but laziness has always been a problem. There’s just more ways of noticing it and spreading the word now. There are also fewer excuses.
Back when the wife was forced to cook and take care of the kids, the man would sit on the sofa and watch TV or listen to the radio or read the paper. Why? All of the work had been assigned to the wife. Now husbands are doing the same thing, but the wife isn’t doing all the work. No more excuse. The husband must now do half of the work or more, especially if the wife is also working, or working instead. No woman would put up with going to work to support the family AND coming home to do the housework.
It’s not just men, though. Women are being lazy too. The only difference is in the way they are lazy. Men have perfected laziness over thousands of years. Women are only now getting into the habit and are still working at being lazy, and getting away with it. Does equal rights ring a bell? There have been so many laws passed for women now that they don’t have to get ahead in life, a lot of them can get what they want on a gold platter. Did you know that when a man and a woman divorce each other, the woman gets just about everything? It’s not a law, but it is a fact. And everyone knows it. Even the people giving the orders to do so know it. You could be sitting in a courtroom with a male judge that HATES women, and he’ll STILL give the woman whatever she wants from the marriage. It’s just life. That’s how women get to be lazy. They found their excuse.
Did you know that people would let something fall to pieces before they would volunteer to fix it? It’s even worse if there is someone they know that WILL fix it, and they’re just waiting for that person to show up! That’s why no one is doing anything about this global warming we’re hearing so much about. Everyone is waiting for someone to fix it, without bothering them. Humans will wait all the way through the destruction of the sun before they would even consider making a plan of action to prevent extinction. ESPECIALLY if they find even the tiniest bit of evidence that they might be saved at the last minute by God or a group of extra terrestrials that would just happen to be passing by at that exact instant before the explosion from our own personal star reaches our tiny dust ball of a planet, where they would then beam the entire planet’s civilizations to another planet, thousands of light years away, along with all of our stuff, finding us to be a very fascinating race of people for some reason, just because we were too lazy to pack up all of our stuff and move.
So, that’s my bit of wisdom for the day. Since I know nobody reads these things unless they are being lazy or want an alibi, I’ll stop enabling you.
It is in human nature to completely deny responsibility, and to pass the blame onto others, even when you aren’t even at fault in the first place. For example, someone passes by a precariously stacked group of papers. It’s been sitting there for weeks, just piling up hazardously, and that person happens to walk by just moments before the entire pile falls over. What’s their first reaction?
“It's not my fault!”
Of course it wasn’t their fault, but they’re already passing the blame. Everyone knows they had nothing to do with that and won’t blame that person for it’s collapse… Unless the pile of papers fell onto a lit candle and burned down the house, then someone might start pointing fingers.
Let’s say someone passes gas in a small room or car. Everyone knows who did it, but that person still refuses responsibility for their actions. It’s a simple matter, and the people only want confirmation, and maybe a polite warning in the future. Instead, the owner of the noxious vapor won’t even commit themselves to a simple smell, as if this bodily function is something to be ashamed of. Then again, if it’s strong enough, you tend to get a lot of people claiming them, even if they didn’t do it, just because they want something to be proud of. Otherwise, it’s the same story.
“Wasn’t me!”
One of the main items when discussing human nature is laziness. People are very lazy. Most people would say they’ve gotten lazier, but laziness has always been a problem. There’s just more ways of noticing it and spreading the word now. There are also fewer excuses.
Back when the wife was forced to cook and take care of the kids, the man would sit on the sofa and watch TV or listen to the radio or read the paper. Why? All of the work had been assigned to the wife. Now husbands are doing the same thing, but the wife isn’t doing all the work. No more excuse. The husband must now do half of the work or more, especially if the wife is also working, or working instead. No woman would put up with going to work to support the family AND coming home to do the housework.
It’s not just men, though. Women are being lazy too. The only difference is in the way they are lazy. Men have perfected laziness over thousands of years. Women are only now getting into the habit and are still working at being lazy, and getting away with it. Does equal rights ring a bell? There have been so many laws passed for women now that they don’t have to get ahead in life, a lot of them can get what they want on a gold platter. Did you know that when a man and a woman divorce each other, the woman gets just about everything? It’s not a law, but it is a fact. And everyone knows it. Even the people giving the orders to do so know it. You could be sitting in a courtroom with a male judge that HATES women, and he’ll STILL give the woman whatever she wants from the marriage. It’s just life. That’s how women get to be lazy. They found their excuse.
Did you know that people would let something fall to pieces before they would volunteer to fix it? It’s even worse if there is someone they know that WILL fix it, and they’re just waiting for that person to show up! That’s why no one is doing anything about this global warming we’re hearing so much about. Everyone is waiting for someone to fix it, without bothering them. Humans will wait all the way through the destruction of the sun before they would even consider making a plan of action to prevent extinction. ESPECIALLY if they find even the tiniest bit of evidence that they might be saved at the last minute by God or a group of extra terrestrials that would just happen to be passing by at that exact instant before the explosion from our own personal star reaches our tiny dust ball of a planet, where they would then beam the entire planet’s civilizations to another planet, thousands of light years away, along with all of our stuff, finding us to be a very fascinating race of people for some reason, just because we were too lazy to pack up all of our stuff and move.
So, that’s my bit of wisdom for the day. Since I know nobody reads these things unless they are being lazy or want an alibi, I’ll stop enabling you.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Paranoia Can Be Fun
Ever heard the phrase, “I don’t suffer from paranoia, I enjoy every minute of it!” and wondered exactly what that means? Then you probably won’t understand this blog. But for the rest of you, please read on.
Anyone else notice the little crumbs that fall off of the bottom of a pizza? It’s not part of the crust, it just sticks to the bottom of the pizza. It always falls off in the box, or on your plate, or sticks to your lips, but a significant amount does make it into your mouth. So, why do we eat it? Why are we putting things into our mouths when we don’t know what they are? What if it’s something you really don’t want to eat?
What could these crumbs be, anyway? If they are part of the crust, then why are they stuck to the bottom of it instead of being baked in like the rest of the dough? What if it’s crumbs from the other pizzas that they have baked? How old is the bread you just stuck in your mouth and swallowed? That’s not something I want to be eating. What if it’s not bread? What if it’s not food at all? Maybe the pizza companies wanted to know what kind of ingredients the customers liked, and the best way was to plant tiny sensors into their pizzas that look like simple bread crumbs. Every slice of pizza you eat adds another couple dozen sensors into your body which send signals to their computers to let them know what to change in their recipe to get people to like them better. It doesn’t sound like a bad idea, but it’s a huge invasion of privacy. What if the sensors aren’t from the pizza companies? What if they’re from the government? What if they want to keep track of where people are, and how healthy they are? Again, a good thing, but a huge invasion of privacy.
But what if it’s not our government, but another one? What if aliens wanted to stick those sensors on our pizza? Yes, it all makes sense now! Aliens have planted tiny robotic sensors onto the bottoms of our pizza crust to learn the tastes of the human population in an effort to control the food market, thus controlling the people of the Earth! These small droids are hovering in our bodies until they safely pass through with the rest of the waste, taking information about our bodies, giving the aliens our secrets and weaknesses. Once In the stream of our water, they will collect together, force their way into the lakes and rivers of our planet, taking in more information of the strengths, weaknesses and secrets of the planet. Eventually, the tiny robot ninja sensors will wind up in the earth, taking control of the plant life, waiting until the aliens give the signal to poison our food, drain our lakes and rivers and siphon it off for their mobile army of trees, seaweed and house plants that will enslave the humans to grow more plants to rule over them and populate other planets, for the aliens are actually a plant-like people that hate this entire planet for it’s over abundance of creatures that eat their kind. They go from planet to planet, enslaving or destroying the inhabitants and freeing their kind from the horrible role nature has given them, simple food for those of the flesh!
Warn your neighbors! Tell the press! Burn the lawyers! The Foliage-Cyborgs from outer space are coming to enslave us all! We must prepare to fight back! Get those missile silos in space to point outward to defend ourselves from the coming invasion with their first-strike capabilities! We can win the war, before it is too late! Don’t give up! We still have a chance! Destroy the forests! Drain the oceans! STOP EATING PIZZA! For the love of God, stop eating pizza! It was started by the French! They’re in on it! Run for you lives! The truth is out there!
…
Phew. That was intense. *Grabs a slice of pizza*
Anyone else notice the little crumbs that fall off of the bottom of a pizza? It’s not part of the crust, it just sticks to the bottom of the pizza. It always falls off in the box, or on your plate, or sticks to your lips, but a significant amount does make it into your mouth. So, why do we eat it? Why are we putting things into our mouths when we don’t know what they are? What if it’s something you really don’t want to eat?
What could these crumbs be, anyway? If they are part of the crust, then why are they stuck to the bottom of it instead of being baked in like the rest of the dough? What if it’s crumbs from the other pizzas that they have baked? How old is the bread you just stuck in your mouth and swallowed? That’s not something I want to be eating. What if it’s not bread? What if it’s not food at all? Maybe the pizza companies wanted to know what kind of ingredients the customers liked, and the best way was to plant tiny sensors into their pizzas that look like simple bread crumbs. Every slice of pizza you eat adds another couple dozen sensors into your body which send signals to their computers to let them know what to change in their recipe to get people to like them better. It doesn’t sound like a bad idea, but it’s a huge invasion of privacy. What if the sensors aren’t from the pizza companies? What if they’re from the government? What if they want to keep track of where people are, and how healthy they are? Again, a good thing, but a huge invasion of privacy.
But what if it’s not our government, but another one? What if aliens wanted to stick those sensors on our pizza? Yes, it all makes sense now! Aliens have planted tiny robotic sensors onto the bottoms of our pizza crust to learn the tastes of the human population in an effort to control the food market, thus controlling the people of the Earth! These small droids are hovering in our bodies until they safely pass through with the rest of the waste, taking information about our bodies, giving the aliens our secrets and weaknesses. Once In the stream of our water, they will collect together, force their way into the lakes and rivers of our planet, taking in more information of the strengths, weaknesses and secrets of the planet. Eventually, the tiny robot ninja sensors will wind up in the earth, taking control of the plant life, waiting until the aliens give the signal to poison our food, drain our lakes and rivers and siphon it off for their mobile army of trees, seaweed and house plants that will enslave the humans to grow more plants to rule over them and populate other planets, for the aliens are actually a plant-like people that hate this entire planet for it’s over abundance of creatures that eat their kind. They go from planet to planet, enslaving or destroying the inhabitants and freeing their kind from the horrible role nature has given them, simple food for those of the flesh!
Warn your neighbors! Tell the press! Burn the lawyers! The Foliage-Cyborgs from outer space are coming to enslave us all! We must prepare to fight back! Get those missile silos in space to point outward to defend ourselves from the coming invasion with their first-strike capabilities! We can win the war, before it is too late! Don’t give up! We still have a chance! Destroy the forests! Drain the oceans! STOP EATING PIZZA! For the love of God, stop eating pizza! It was started by the French! They’re in on it! Run for you lives! The truth is out there!
…
Phew. That was intense. *Grabs a slice of pizza*
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
The Human Computer
Welcome to the new year! Did anyone learn anything over the holiday season? I know I did. I learned that too much information can be a bad thing. Your brain might freeze trying to take in all of the ads you’ve seen on TV, all of the holiday specials you watch, or just from the amount of people wishing you a happy holidays. You’ll usually find, at the end of the holidays, your brain actually took hold of this task quite well, and stored it all in one location, where you might not access it ever again.
There’s one thing that has always fascinated me about the human brain. It can quickly, and easily take in information using strange signals that wouldn’t even be related if we hadn’t connected these two very different dots. What I’m referring to, is our intellect versus our language.
Look out a window right now, and look at something. Don’t think of anything else, just look at that one thing. What was the first thing your mind threw at you? For most people, it would be the name of that object. If you looked at a tree, deep down in the back of your mind, you could hear a quiet voice whispering tree. Same thing if you looked at a road, it would whisper road. Some people may not even realize that they are telling themselves what those things are, rather than knowing them immediately. To take another step into this mess, let’s think about what we hear everyday, basic human speech.
It doesn’t matter what language you speak, every word you say is nothing but a mesh of sounds that someone has told you means something. In reality, we are trying to voice an idea, our brain interprets that idea into those words, then the person you are talking to interprets those words back into the basic idea as best as they can, and the brain reads the new message. This happens practically instantly.
You want to try something fun? The next time you are hearing someone speak, not necessarily to you, just sit there and listen to them. Don’t try to hear what they are saying, just listen to the sounds they make. If you can turn off your language skill and just listen to the sounds, even your native language can sound alien to you.
This is a great skill to learn. This way, you can zone out to make sure you don’t receive very much information, that would likely push out the more relevant knowledge, yet still be active enough to catch when you are supposed to respond, and what you are responding to. Just don’t use it on your spouse, parents, or anyone trying to teach you something. They seem to become enraged by it. I’m not sure why.
There’s one thing that has always fascinated me about the human brain. It can quickly, and easily take in information using strange signals that wouldn’t even be related if we hadn’t connected these two very different dots. What I’m referring to, is our intellect versus our language.
Look out a window right now, and look at something. Don’t think of anything else, just look at that one thing. What was the first thing your mind threw at you? For most people, it would be the name of that object. If you looked at a tree, deep down in the back of your mind, you could hear a quiet voice whispering tree. Same thing if you looked at a road, it would whisper road. Some people may not even realize that they are telling themselves what those things are, rather than knowing them immediately. To take another step into this mess, let’s think about what we hear everyday, basic human speech.
It doesn’t matter what language you speak, every word you say is nothing but a mesh of sounds that someone has told you means something. In reality, we are trying to voice an idea, our brain interprets that idea into those words, then the person you are talking to interprets those words back into the basic idea as best as they can, and the brain reads the new message. This happens practically instantly.
You want to try something fun? The next time you are hearing someone speak, not necessarily to you, just sit there and listen to them. Don’t try to hear what they are saying, just listen to the sounds they make. If you can turn off your language skill and just listen to the sounds, even your native language can sound alien to you.
This is a great skill to learn. This way, you can zone out to make sure you don’t receive very much information, that would likely push out the more relevant knowledge, yet still be active enough to catch when you are supposed to respond, and what you are responding to. Just don’t use it on your spouse, parents, or anyone trying to teach you something. They seem to become enraged by it. I’m not sure why.
Friday, December 28, 2007
Joyous Kwanzaa Boxing Year!
Due to these holidays sharing the same days, as well as my own personal laziness, I shall be talking about two holidays today: Kwanzaa and Boxing Day. Both holidays are held on the 26th of December, and both involve cultures that did not originate in America, though both have spread to it.
Kwanzaa, being a mostly African holiday, lasts for 7 days and was developed to be an African alternative to Christmas. Don’t believe me? Look it up on Wikipedia. It was started in the 1960’s specifically for African-Americans that aren’t Christian. The original idea, and the basic idea for quite a few families, is to remember your origins, your family, and your race. This was the first, and I believe only, African-American holiday to be created. Sure, the Africans have other holidays, but this one, developed specifically for African-Americans, is the only one to be publicly celebrated without you needing to read a national geographic or an encyclopedia. Kwanzaa is slowly becoming another standard holiday, like Christmas, but the pace it is going will set it back for a while. Currently, it is still for Africans only, but give it time. Soon it may become the holiday for minorities or something, who knows.
As for Boxing Day, now here is a holiday I think everyone should celebrate, even if it is mostly for the Commonwealth of Nations. I first heard about this holiday from an old TV show, M*A*S*H. On that show, Boxing Day was when the troops would switch places. The officers and enlisted men would trade jobs, for 24 hours. Already, I thought this was a great idea! Upper Class and Lower Class trading places? Talk about a great way to try the grass on the other side of the fence. Some might enjoy a day of bliss, whether it be worry free or enjoying the glamour, and some would get a decent humbling that they deserve. As I delved deeper into my research on Boxing Day, I learned that it was significantly more than that. In fact, Wikipedia hasn’t even heard of the version I just spoke of. According to them, Boxing Day, celebrated on the 26th, 27th or 28th, depending on if the 26th is on a weekend, came about from employers leaving a clay box out front of their business, usually a store, and have themselves and the customers place money into this box. At the end of the day, the box would be smashed open and the money would be divided up amongst the employees, that being their end-of-the-year bonus. This isn’t such a bad idea. Wouldn’t you like to get a bonus this way? The boss would be forced to place at least a little bit of money in. And, if you work in a store, the customers would place in money too, potentially tripling your bonus! Sounds like an excellent idea. The only problem I could see is that it might replace the Christmas bonus… unless the boss didn’t need to place any money in the box, in which case he wouldn't lose a cent and the customers could show their appreciation by giving you a grand New Year’s gift.
Speaking of New Years, I might as well throw this in there too. We’ll be celebrating the turning over of the year. We’re going onto 2008, which is 8 years after when the world should have ended, 7 years after it should have ended again, and only 4 years before we try another one. Oh yeah, and Bush finally leaves office.
WOOHOO!!!
Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against the president of the united states, nor democracy as a whole. But I DO have problems with Bush, as do all democrats and most republicans, and I’ll be happy to see him go.
As for the New Year’s holiday, I honestly think this is a stupid idea. Let’s look at what this “holiday” is all about. We are celebrating the end of the year. We survived another cycle around the sun. Why are we celebrating it on this particular day? Because someone, thousands of years ago, decided that this is the last day of the year. That’s it. Maybe it was one guy, maybe it was a small group. It couldn’t have been a woman, I know that much. Women could not be stupid enough to end a year and begin a season at the same time. I think a bunch of guys were sitting around a fire, drinking liquor, and wanting to throw a party that would keep them moving and bring a lot of warm bodies together. So, on one of the coldest days they could find, they decided, "We’re having a party tonight!" "What’s the occasion?" "We’ve lasted this long, haven’t we? That’s good enough reason." After a few goes at this, they settled of a specific day, which resulted in a calender to keep track of when that day was, and they proceeded to make up a bunch of names for everything that referenced the sun, the moon, and the gods they were worshiping at the time.
As for the New Year’s resolution, which is basically a promise to yourself that you will probably break, I made a resolution long ago to not make anymore resolutions. I haven’t broken it yet, and I don’t plan to.
Grand Boxing Day, Joyous Kwanzaa, Happy New Year, Seasons Greetings, and Happy Holidays to anyone who still thinks it matters.
Kwanzaa, being a mostly African holiday, lasts for 7 days and was developed to be an African alternative to Christmas. Don’t believe me? Look it up on Wikipedia. It was started in the 1960’s specifically for African-Americans that aren’t Christian. The original idea, and the basic idea for quite a few families, is to remember your origins, your family, and your race. This was the first, and I believe only, African-American holiday to be created. Sure, the Africans have other holidays, but this one, developed specifically for African-Americans, is the only one to be publicly celebrated without you needing to read a national geographic or an encyclopedia. Kwanzaa is slowly becoming another standard holiday, like Christmas, but the pace it is going will set it back for a while. Currently, it is still for Africans only, but give it time. Soon it may become the holiday for minorities or something, who knows.
As for Boxing Day, now here is a holiday I think everyone should celebrate, even if it is mostly for the Commonwealth of Nations. I first heard about this holiday from an old TV show, M*A*S*H. On that show, Boxing Day was when the troops would switch places. The officers and enlisted men would trade jobs, for 24 hours. Already, I thought this was a great idea! Upper Class and Lower Class trading places? Talk about a great way to try the grass on the other side of the fence. Some might enjoy a day of bliss, whether it be worry free or enjoying the glamour, and some would get a decent humbling that they deserve. As I delved deeper into my research on Boxing Day, I learned that it was significantly more than that. In fact, Wikipedia hasn’t even heard of the version I just spoke of. According to them, Boxing Day, celebrated on the 26th, 27th or 28th, depending on if the 26th is on a weekend, came about from employers leaving a clay box out front of their business, usually a store, and have themselves and the customers place money into this box. At the end of the day, the box would be smashed open and the money would be divided up amongst the employees, that being their end-of-the-year bonus. This isn’t such a bad idea. Wouldn’t you like to get a bonus this way? The boss would be forced to place at least a little bit of money in. And, if you work in a store, the customers would place in money too, potentially tripling your bonus! Sounds like an excellent idea. The only problem I could see is that it might replace the Christmas bonus… unless the boss didn’t need to place any money in the box, in which case he wouldn't lose a cent and the customers could show their appreciation by giving you a grand New Year’s gift.
Speaking of New Years, I might as well throw this in there too. We’ll be celebrating the turning over of the year. We’re going onto 2008, which is 8 years after when the world should have ended, 7 years after it should have ended again, and only 4 years before we try another one. Oh yeah, and Bush finally leaves office.
WOOHOO!!!
Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against the president of the united states, nor democracy as a whole. But I DO have problems with Bush, as do all democrats and most republicans, and I’ll be happy to see him go.
As for the New Year’s holiday, I honestly think this is a stupid idea. Let’s look at what this “holiday” is all about. We are celebrating the end of the year. We survived another cycle around the sun. Why are we celebrating it on this particular day? Because someone, thousands of years ago, decided that this is the last day of the year. That’s it. Maybe it was one guy, maybe it was a small group. It couldn’t have been a woman, I know that much. Women could not be stupid enough to end a year and begin a season at the same time. I think a bunch of guys were sitting around a fire, drinking liquor, and wanting to throw a party that would keep them moving and bring a lot of warm bodies together. So, on one of the coldest days they could find, they decided, "We’re having a party tonight!" "What’s the occasion?" "We’ve lasted this long, haven’t we? That’s good enough reason." After a few goes at this, they settled of a specific day, which resulted in a calender to keep track of when that day was, and they proceeded to make up a bunch of names for everything that referenced the sun, the moon, and the gods they were worshiping at the time.
As for the New Year’s resolution, which is basically a promise to yourself that you will probably break, I made a resolution long ago to not make anymore resolutions. I haven’t broken it yet, and I don’t plan to.
Grand Boxing Day, Joyous Kwanzaa, Happy New Year, Seasons Greetings, and Happy Holidays to anyone who still thinks it matters.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Merry Christmas!
Time to hang up old red and white socks, clean out the chimney, cut down a perfectly good tree, and hang flashing lights all over it that get hot very easily right next to all of your wooden family heirlooms that were made for just such an occasion.
That’s right folks! Christmas is upon us! One of those holidays that not only let people, but encourage them to make a fire hazard in their own homes. We leave the fire place burning all night, with very flammable socks hanging from it. We cut down a real tree, made out of wood, and place wires all over it that heat up easily with lights that also heat up easily and hang glass, plastic, and wooden ornaments on this tree to suffocate the wires and lights even more. Some people actually place candles around this same tree on Christmas eve! Talk about wanting a fire! And, if that’s not enough to cause one, we can now buy fake snow to place or spray on the tree to suffocate it more! If the tree was recent, it wouldn’t be as much of a problem, but it needs to be up at least 12 days BEFORE Christmas! That’s almost half a month with a dieing tree sitting in your house, with all of these flammable or heated objects all over it, and suffocating it to trap the heat on the tree! So, we are trying our hardest to set our houses on fire in the spirit of Christmas!
And, if that’s not enough for you, we must, simply MUST, buy as many useless objects as we can to give to as many people as possible to place under this tree! So now, you are required to place hundreds of dollars worth of highly flammable material under a tree that might as well be on fire already, and keep them there as long as possible. Now the rest of the decorations must be placed, also before the 12 days start. So, by December 12th, we have lights, fake snow, wooden and plastic decorations, and anything else you can come up with in the spirit of this holiday, getting ready to set you on fire or blow a fuse, and they still expect presents to be bought. I’m convinced that the only thing keeping the house and tree from catching fire for most people is the real snow outside that is keeping everything cooled off. I’m not sure what kind of magic is used everywhere else, but it must be some good stuff to stop this blaze.
Now, this is celebrated as a Christian holiday, but it seems to have gone a completely different route. Aside from the music that hasn’t changed much since before AD, the only thing even relating to Christians or Jesus Christ is the name, Christmas! Other than that, you have a fat man, sliding down a chimney, placing ANYTHING you want under a nearly dead tree, hoping not to knock anything over or catch it on fire in the middle of the night. He flies around the world, in one night, in the direction of the sun, in a giant sleigh that’s pulled by 8 reindeer, all male, with horns, which is opposite of their standard cycle. NONE of this has anything to do with the religion or the event of Christ’s birth. The only thing left is the spirit of giving, which has become the spirit of getting! I hate to be the one to break this to the Christians, but Christmas is no longer a Christian holiday. It is now a store holiday.
Think about it. This is now the holiday for buying stuff. You buy a tree, new decorations, presents, food, cards, everything you can get your hands on! The entire holiday is about buying as much as you, and everything but some of the decorations is either disposed or given away! You spend hundreds, maybe thousands of dollars, for basically nothing! What a great holiday, eh? If you own a store, of any kind, you’ve got it made this season.
In closing, I hope you all enjoy your X-Mas holiday, the X representing the amount of money you will spend before the month is out, and give a present to everyone you know, whether you like them or not, because it’s the only way you will feel good about getting a whole bunch of stuff for free, even though what you get isn’t worth what you bought. And eat some holiday ham for me, since no one cooks goose on this holiday like they used to.
Merry Giving Day, everyone!
That’s right folks! Christmas is upon us! One of those holidays that not only let people, but encourage them to make a fire hazard in their own homes. We leave the fire place burning all night, with very flammable socks hanging from it. We cut down a real tree, made out of wood, and place wires all over it that heat up easily with lights that also heat up easily and hang glass, plastic, and wooden ornaments on this tree to suffocate the wires and lights even more. Some people actually place candles around this same tree on Christmas eve! Talk about wanting a fire! And, if that’s not enough to cause one, we can now buy fake snow to place or spray on the tree to suffocate it more! If the tree was recent, it wouldn’t be as much of a problem, but it needs to be up at least 12 days BEFORE Christmas! That’s almost half a month with a dieing tree sitting in your house, with all of these flammable or heated objects all over it, and suffocating it to trap the heat on the tree! So, we are trying our hardest to set our houses on fire in the spirit of Christmas!
And, if that’s not enough for you, we must, simply MUST, buy as many useless objects as we can to give to as many people as possible to place under this tree! So now, you are required to place hundreds of dollars worth of highly flammable material under a tree that might as well be on fire already, and keep them there as long as possible. Now the rest of the decorations must be placed, also before the 12 days start. So, by December 12th, we have lights, fake snow, wooden and plastic decorations, and anything else you can come up with in the spirit of this holiday, getting ready to set you on fire or blow a fuse, and they still expect presents to be bought. I’m convinced that the only thing keeping the house and tree from catching fire for most people is the real snow outside that is keeping everything cooled off. I’m not sure what kind of magic is used everywhere else, but it must be some good stuff to stop this blaze.
Now, this is celebrated as a Christian holiday, but it seems to have gone a completely different route. Aside from the music that hasn’t changed much since before AD, the only thing even relating to Christians or Jesus Christ is the name, Christmas! Other than that, you have a fat man, sliding down a chimney, placing ANYTHING you want under a nearly dead tree, hoping not to knock anything over or catch it on fire in the middle of the night. He flies around the world, in one night, in the direction of the sun, in a giant sleigh that’s pulled by 8 reindeer, all male, with horns, which is opposite of their standard cycle. NONE of this has anything to do with the religion or the event of Christ’s birth. The only thing left is the spirit of giving, which has become the spirit of getting! I hate to be the one to break this to the Christians, but Christmas is no longer a Christian holiday. It is now a store holiday.
Think about it. This is now the holiday for buying stuff. You buy a tree, new decorations, presents, food, cards, everything you can get your hands on! The entire holiday is about buying as much as you, and everything but some of the decorations is either disposed or given away! You spend hundreds, maybe thousands of dollars, for basically nothing! What a great holiday, eh? If you own a store, of any kind, you’ve got it made this season.
In closing, I hope you all enjoy your X-Mas holiday, the X representing the amount of money you will spend before the month is out, and give a present to everyone you know, whether you like them or not, because it’s the only way you will feel good about getting a whole bunch of stuff for free, even though what you get isn’t worth what you bought. And eat some holiday ham for me, since no one cooks goose on this holiday like they used to.
Merry Giving Day, everyone!
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Happy Hanukkah!
Well, as everyone who is Jewish has noticed, Hanukkah has come and gone. Some people may still be celebrating (I haven’t quite worked out which side the extra days are on yet) but the day itself was on the 5th. For those of you who don’t know what Hanukkah is about, here is a bit of an article from About.com.
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The festival of Hanukkah (also spelled Chanukah) was established to commemorate the Jewish Maccabees' military victory over the Greek-Syrians and the rededication of the Second Temple, which had been desecrated by the Greek-Syrians, to the worship of God. Thus, Hanukkah is a celebration of Jewish national survival and religious freedom.
In commemoration of these miracles, a Hanukkah Menorah (also called a Hanukkiah) is lit during each of the eight nights of Hanukkah. Lighting the Hanukkah Menorah is the central observance of the festival. One candle is lit the first night, and an additional candle is lit each successive night. Thus, on the last night of Hanukkah, all eight candles of the Hanukkiah are lit. The candles should be lit by a window or door in order to fulfill the commandment to "publicize the miracle." While lighting the candles, blessings are recited and the ancient chant Hanerot Hallalu is traditionally sung. After lighting the candles, it is a tradition to sing Maoz Tzur.
Hanukkah is a fun festival, especially for children. After lighting the Hanukkah candles together, families (and often invited guests) will eat and play games. Traditional Hanukkah food is oil-rich in commemoration of the miracle of the oil that burned for eight days. Potato pancakes (Latkas in Yiddish, Livivot in Hebrew) are a Hanukkah favorite. Israelis eat Hanukkah doughnuts called soofganiot. Dreidel (sivovon in Hebrew) is a traditional Hanukkah game, with game rules so simple that the whole family, from toddlers to grandparents can play together. The custom of giving Hanukkah gelt (money) to children has evolved into a gift-giving tradition in many Jewish families today.
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As you can see, the Jewish people celebrate a great deal of things on this festival of their’s. The only problem I have with it is the candles thing. Nowadays, with all of the stuff you can have in the house, leaving candles burn for many days can be a serious fire hazard. And, if you don’t need to worry about the fire spreading, what about it going out? Seven days is an awfully long time to have a candle burn. And if you solve the problem by getting long candles, then how do you deal with the major wax build up at the bottom? Seven days of burning one candle, the heat getting worse with each day that a new candle is lit? And you know it’s gotta be murder on the drapes when they put it in the window. I wonder how long it is left in the window after the last candle is lit…
Well, in any case, there is Hanukkah in a nutshell. I don’t quite understand it, but the Jewish people seem to like the holiday. Well… all except Lewis Black.
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The festival of Hanukkah (also spelled Chanukah) was established to commemorate the Jewish Maccabees' military victory over the Greek-Syrians and the rededication of the Second Temple, which had been desecrated by the Greek-Syrians, to the worship of God. Thus, Hanukkah is a celebration of Jewish national survival and religious freedom.
In commemoration of these miracles, a Hanukkah Menorah (also called a Hanukkiah) is lit during each of the eight nights of Hanukkah. Lighting the Hanukkah Menorah is the central observance of the festival. One candle is lit the first night, and an additional candle is lit each successive night. Thus, on the last night of Hanukkah, all eight candles of the Hanukkiah are lit. The candles should be lit by a window or door in order to fulfill the commandment to "publicize the miracle." While lighting the candles, blessings are recited and the ancient chant Hanerot Hallalu is traditionally sung. After lighting the candles, it is a tradition to sing Maoz Tzur.
Hanukkah is a fun festival, especially for children. After lighting the Hanukkah candles together, families (and often invited guests) will eat and play games. Traditional Hanukkah food is oil-rich in commemoration of the miracle of the oil that burned for eight days. Potato pancakes (Latkas in Yiddish, Livivot in Hebrew) are a Hanukkah favorite. Israelis eat Hanukkah doughnuts called soofganiot. Dreidel (sivovon in Hebrew) is a traditional Hanukkah game, with game rules so simple that the whole family, from toddlers to grandparents can play together. The custom of giving Hanukkah gelt (money) to children has evolved into a gift-giving tradition in many Jewish families today.
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As you can see, the Jewish people celebrate a great deal of things on this festival of their’s. The only problem I have with it is the candles thing. Nowadays, with all of the stuff you can have in the house, leaving candles burn for many days can be a serious fire hazard. And, if you don’t need to worry about the fire spreading, what about it going out? Seven days is an awfully long time to have a candle burn. And if you solve the problem by getting long candles, then how do you deal with the major wax build up at the bottom? Seven days of burning one candle, the heat getting worse with each day that a new candle is lit? And you know it’s gotta be murder on the drapes when they put it in the window. I wonder how long it is left in the window after the last candle is lit…
Well, in any case, there is Hanukkah in a nutshell. I don’t quite understand it, but the Jewish people seem to like the holiday. Well… all except Lewis Black.
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Welcome to December!
I have been saving all of my creative juices for this month, and it’s gonna be a whopper! Actually, I’ve just been lazy and needed an excuse, but it sounded pretty good, didn’t it?
This month, I am going to be trying to post every article in this blog about Christmas, Hanukkah, any other holidays I know about, and the Holiday Season in general. Since, as far as I know, we are no where near any of the holidays in this season, let’s start with the season in general.
First of all, why is it called the Holiday Season? The season is Winter. We established this long before any of these holidays were thought up. The weather and calendar may not agree, but we are in Winter here in the States, so we should not be in any other season. It can’t be any other kind of Season. It’s not like Elmer Fudd is off in the woods wearing his big brown hat going “Be vewy vewy quiet. We’a wookin’ for howidays! Huhuhuhuhu!” Nobody is hunting it down and we are in either Winter or Autumn, depending on weather and calendar. So I see no reason to call it the Holiday Season.
However, since there are many definitions of Season, and we are adding more every time the occasion arises, it seems we must conclude that this is a season for Holidays. Why? Because the government refuses to acknowledge any specific holiday. The stores, on the other hand, they got plenty of guts to pick a holiday. Which one do they pick? Do they pick Kwanzaa? Nah, they might look racist. Do they pick Hanukkah? Never! That supports rebellion over a tyrannous ruler, which was basically struggling and war and all of the things the stores don’t want people to know about until it’s time for charities. So, which one did they pick? Christmas! Of course! It may be religious, unlike Kwanzaa, and it is only two days out of the month, unlike Hanukkah, but there is no limit on the presents! You can buy as many as you want!
The stores have found the mother load, and it is brought once a year by a fat man in a red coat that practically screams “I’M ON SALE!” They have all sorts of gifts for people to buy on Christmas. Do you know why? Because a Christmas gift can be ANYTHING! You could buy a tiny piece of plastic dog crap, wrap it up - you don’t even need a box - and place it under the tree for the unsuspecting person you are giving it to on this wonderful holiday. If it can be held, it can be a gift. If it can’t be held, it can be in the spirit of Christmas. If anything good happens, it’s a Christmas miracle, and it was all Santa’s doing. Still wonder why the stores picked this holiday?
What I noticed, though, is that, the stores may celebrate Christmas, for recently mentioned obvious reasons, but they never really mention it. More and more, the fat man is shown, the red and green lights are strewn about, but the word Christmas is rarely shown anymore. It was X-mas, as though they had forgotten how to spell Christ, but that was a poor attempt to remove the religion from it to get more customers other than Christians to buy stuff for the occasion. But now, they stopped saying Christmas as often as they can get away with it. They have started to fall into the void of the Holiday Season. It is still Christmas they are celebrating (Black Friday has nothing to do with Kwanzaa, you don’t see any Hanukkah bushes lying around) but they call it the Holiday season, just to please the locals.
If you ask me, I’ve never shopped for Winter unless I was getting a coat, and I’ve never shot Christmas unless you include a few strange games online. The Holiday Season, is Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa. Let’s leave it at that and let everyone celebrate their own holiday.
This month, I am going to be trying to post every article in this blog about Christmas, Hanukkah, any other holidays I know about, and the Holiday Season in general. Since, as far as I know, we are no where near any of the holidays in this season, let’s start with the season in general.
First of all, why is it called the Holiday Season? The season is Winter. We established this long before any of these holidays were thought up. The weather and calendar may not agree, but we are in Winter here in the States, so we should not be in any other season. It can’t be any other kind of Season. It’s not like Elmer Fudd is off in the woods wearing his big brown hat going “Be vewy vewy quiet. We’a wookin’ for howidays! Huhuhuhuhu!” Nobody is hunting it down and we are in either Winter or Autumn, depending on weather and calendar. So I see no reason to call it the Holiday Season.
However, since there are many definitions of Season, and we are adding more every time the occasion arises, it seems we must conclude that this is a season for Holidays. Why? Because the government refuses to acknowledge any specific holiday. The stores, on the other hand, they got plenty of guts to pick a holiday. Which one do they pick? Do they pick Kwanzaa? Nah, they might look racist. Do they pick Hanukkah? Never! That supports rebellion over a tyrannous ruler, which was basically struggling and war and all of the things the stores don’t want people to know about until it’s time for charities. So, which one did they pick? Christmas! Of course! It may be religious, unlike Kwanzaa, and it is only two days out of the month, unlike Hanukkah, but there is no limit on the presents! You can buy as many as you want!
The stores have found the mother load, and it is brought once a year by a fat man in a red coat that practically screams “I’M ON SALE!” They have all sorts of gifts for people to buy on Christmas. Do you know why? Because a Christmas gift can be ANYTHING! You could buy a tiny piece of plastic dog crap, wrap it up - you don’t even need a box - and place it under the tree for the unsuspecting person you are giving it to on this wonderful holiday. If it can be held, it can be a gift. If it can’t be held, it can be in the spirit of Christmas. If anything good happens, it’s a Christmas miracle, and it was all Santa’s doing. Still wonder why the stores picked this holiday?
What I noticed, though, is that, the stores may celebrate Christmas, for recently mentioned obvious reasons, but they never really mention it. More and more, the fat man is shown, the red and green lights are strewn about, but the word Christmas is rarely shown anymore. It was X-mas, as though they had forgotten how to spell Christ, but that was a poor attempt to remove the religion from it to get more customers other than Christians to buy stuff for the occasion. But now, they stopped saying Christmas as often as they can get away with it. They have started to fall into the void of the Holiday Season. It is still Christmas they are celebrating (Black Friday has nothing to do with Kwanzaa, you don’t see any Hanukkah bushes lying around) but they call it the Holiday season, just to please the locals.
If you ask me, I’ve never shopped for Winter unless I was getting a coat, and I’ve never shot Christmas unless you include a few strange games online. The Holiday Season, is Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa. Let’s leave it at that and let everyone celebrate their own holiday.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
'Tis the Day We're Rolly-Polly
Did you know Thanksgiving fell on a Thursday last year? Imagine that, two Thursdays in a row. I mean, what are the odds of that happening?
Thanksgiving is a very unique holiday. It’s the only day of the year where people gather together, without needing to bring gifts or money, or even food in some families, and everyone enjoys a nice holiday meal together. It’s the only holiday where people give and give, without expecting anything in return. It’s also the only holiday that practically forces people to stuff themselves more than the holiday bird.
What a great holiday Thanksgiving is! You wake up, start cooking a great big bird of some kind, usually turkey, get a small breakfast, and start cooking everything else. And by everything else, I mean a whole variety of food! Candied yams. Sweet Potatoes. Mashed Potatoes. Deviled Eggs. Pudding. Jello. Ham. Pumpkin Pie. Cherry Pie. Apple Pie. Pies as far as the eye can see, and that’s just what’s in the oven! Food is bought in family, economy, and truck load sizes, and it’s still not enough! More corn! More celery! More carrots and yams! More beef! More pastries! More pudding and ham! The more food you have, the better the holiday is!
And what happens after Thanksgiving? LEFTOVERS! People get so into the “holiday spirit” that they buy too much food! This is NOT a set back. The more leftovers you have, with as big a party as you can feed, the better your holiday was. And with all of those leftovers, you can feed your household for at least a good week. And that’s usually on Turkey alone. The rest of it works as appetizers to have at any time.
As for the spirit of Thanksgiving, it’s all there. Behind the cakes, and pies and cranberry sauce, there is a moment for giving thanks. Some families have this moment together at the table, just before devouring the feast. Some families don’t have that moment out in the open, but share a private moment or two throughout the day. But, whatever families do on Thanksgiving, they all offer thanks for what they have, and what they had, and every family is happy.
In my opinion, Thanksgiving should be a global holiday. Everyone should pick a single day out of the year, whether it’s the third Thursday of November or another day picked out of the year, I think there should be a day when the entire world takes turns, giving thanks for what we have, who we are, and the world we live in. After all, if we can’t take pride in what we did to this planet, who can?
Thanksgiving is a very unique holiday. It’s the only day of the year where people gather together, without needing to bring gifts or money, or even food in some families, and everyone enjoys a nice holiday meal together. It’s the only holiday where people give and give, without expecting anything in return. It’s also the only holiday that practically forces people to stuff themselves more than the holiday bird.
What a great holiday Thanksgiving is! You wake up, start cooking a great big bird of some kind, usually turkey, get a small breakfast, and start cooking everything else. And by everything else, I mean a whole variety of food! Candied yams. Sweet Potatoes. Mashed Potatoes. Deviled Eggs. Pudding. Jello. Ham. Pumpkin Pie. Cherry Pie. Apple Pie. Pies as far as the eye can see, and that’s just what’s in the oven! Food is bought in family, economy, and truck load sizes, and it’s still not enough! More corn! More celery! More carrots and yams! More beef! More pastries! More pudding and ham! The more food you have, the better the holiday is!
And what happens after Thanksgiving? LEFTOVERS! People get so into the “holiday spirit” that they buy too much food! This is NOT a set back. The more leftovers you have, with as big a party as you can feed, the better your holiday was. And with all of those leftovers, you can feed your household for at least a good week. And that’s usually on Turkey alone. The rest of it works as appetizers to have at any time.
As for the spirit of Thanksgiving, it’s all there. Behind the cakes, and pies and cranberry sauce, there is a moment for giving thanks. Some families have this moment together at the table, just before devouring the feast. Some families don’t have that moment out in the open, but share a private moment or two throughout the day. But, whatever families do on Thanksgiving, they all offer thanks for what they have, and what they had, and every family is happy.
In my opinion, Thanksgiving should be a global holiday. Everyone should pick a single day out of the year, whether it’s the third Thursday of November or another day picked out of the year, I think there should be a day when the entire world takes turns, giving thanks for what we have, who we are, and the world we live in. After all, if we can’t take pride in what we did to this planet, who can?
Monday, November 12, 2007
Relativity Sucks
Here’s a great theory for you. Gravity doesn’t exist.
Not much as theories go, but it has all of the basics. It outlines a constant in our universe and dismisses it in view of a new constant. How can I just dismiss gravity? Well, it’s easy when you look at the facts. Why do we have gravity? According to Newton, everything comes together, at a set pace, and never varies from this pace. But why? According to Einstein, it all may fall at the same pace, but the little things, the subatomic level, has it’s own reaction to it.
WHY!?
Scientists actually answered this question. Gravity is caused by… Gravitons!
So, gravity is caused by gravity? Who comes up with this stuff? The entire universe is literally falling, and nobody knows why? Don’t you think this is rather suspicious? I certainly do! That’s why my theory of Gravity’s non-existence is still holding out.
I firmly believe that gravity is just a government conspiracy to hide the truth. What’s the truth? I’m working on it. As far as I can tell, however, the government hired a whole bunch of scientists to come up with Gravity to throw off the populace. Any respectable scientist knows that Gravitons are a load of bull. It’s a word they came up with to cover up something.
So, if there is no gravity, why do things fall? Good question. There are a couple of theories I’m still working out for that one. One of them came from the famous cartoonist and author, Scott Adams. His theory, though I’m not sure if even he believes it, is that probability holds it all together. Have you ever seen a probability chart? As time goes on, everything gets closer together. Every time the dots on one of those charts pops back into existence, it’s a bit closer to the other dots. If it was already moving at the time, it will move in that direction, while drawing closer to the other dot. So, it might eventually wind up in an orbit, a steady flow of movement forward and closer, causing an arc. Doesn’t this remind you an awful lot of something else, relatively close to home? That’s right, the moon! It didn’t start up there, ya know. It entered Earth’s “gravity field” and stayed up there. And think about this, the universe is collapsing in on itself, right? Eventually, everything will be in one spot. That’s just like the charts, too. However, in order for a probability chart to work, everything would have to pop out of existence and reappear in the new location, right? Who’s to say it isn’t?
I do have another theory. The government conspiracy. If gravity isn’t real, and it’s not based on probability, then why are things falling? Well, the way I see it, there is an answer to that question, but the government is “protecting” us from it. Perhaps some alien activated a machine many years ago to cause all of this to fall. Perhaps, there is a four-dimensional answer, but they are keeping it hush-hush because the entire world believes that we are three-dimensional. Maybe the center of every planet, sun, and moon is actually a black hole, and it’s sucking up everything that gets close enough. Maybe someone dug down to far, fell in, and the government has been keeping it under raps, for fear of someone else falling in. Whatever the real cause may be, I doubt the scientists that came up with Gravity had any idea what they were talking about. It’s a lot easier to deal with something, when it has a name. Once you name it, you start becoming attached to it. Thus, no one has strayed from the thought sense. Rather clever of them, eh?
So, now that we have our cards down, and the word on gravity is out, what are you going to do about it? I plan to sleep, before anyone disturbs the balance and we all start flying off of our beds and into space.
Not much as theories go, but it has all of the basics. It outlines a constant in our universe and dismisses it in view of a new constant. How can I just dismiss gravity? Well, it’s easy when you look at the facts. Why do we have gravity? According to Newton, everything comes together, at a set pace, and never varies from this pace. But why? According to Einstein, it all may fall at the same pace, but the little things, the subatomic level, has it’s own reaction to it.
WHY!?
Scientists actually answered this question. Gravity is caused by… Gravitons!
So, gravity is caused by gravity? Who comes up with this stuff? The entire universe is literally falling, and nobody knows why? Don’t you think this is rather suspicious? I certainly do! That’s why my theory of Gravity’s non-existence is still holding out.
I firmly believe that gravity is just a government conspiracy to hide the truth. What’s the truth? I’m working on it. As far as I can tell, however, the government hired a whole bunch of scientists to come up with Gravity to throw off the populace. Any respectable scientist knows that Gravitons are a load of bull. It’s a word they came up with to cover up something.
So, if there is no gravity, why do things fall? Good question. There are a couple of theories I’m still working out for that one. One of them came from the famous cartoonist and author, Scott Adams. His theory, though I’m not sure if even he believes it, is that probability holds it all together. Have you ever seen a probability chart? As time goes on, everything gets closer together. Every time the dots on one of those charts pops back into existence, it’s a bit closer to the other dots. If it was already moving at the time, it will move in that direction, while drawing closer to the other dot. So, it might eventually wind up in an orbit, a steady flow of movement forward and closer, causing an arc. Doesn’t this remind you an awful lot of something else, relatively close to home? That’s right, the moon! It didn’t start up there, ya know. It entered Earth’s “gravity field” and stayed up there. And think about this, the universe is collapsing in on itself, right? Eventually, everything will be in one spot. That’s just like the charts, too. However, in order for a probability chart to work, everything would have to pop out of existence and reappear in the new location, right? Who’s to say it isn’t?
I do have another theory. The government conspiracy. If gravity isn’t real, and it’s not based on probability, then why are things falling? Well, the way I see it, there is an answer to that question, but the government is “protecting” us from it. Perhaps some alien activated a machine many years ago to cause all of this to fall. Perhaps, there is a four-dimensional answer, but they are keeping it hush-hush because the entire world believes that we are three-dimensional. Maybe the center of every planet, sun, and moon is actually a black hole, and it’s sucking up everything that gets close enough. Maybe someone dug down to far, fell in, and the government has been keeping it under raps, for fear of someone else falling in. Whatever the real cause may be, I doubt the scientists that came up with Gravity had any idea what they were talking about. It’s a lot easier to deal with something, when it has a name. Once you name it, you start becoming attached to it. Thus, no one has strayed from the thought sense. Rather clever of them, eh?
So, now that we have our cards down, and the word on gravity is out, what are you going to do about it? I plan to sleep, before anyone disturbs the balance and we all start flying off of our beds and into space.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Happy Halloween!
I figured I had to do something for this holiday, so here it is.
Enjoy.
The Raven Program
Parody of:
The Raven
By: Edgar Allan Poe
Once upon a night so clearly, while I web surfed weekend dreary,
Over many a strange and spurious websites of abandoned lore,
While I whistled, nearly singing, suddenly there came a pinging,
As of some one loudly ringing, ringing through my hard drive's snore.
`Some advertisement,' I muttered, `pinging through my hard drive's snore -
Just an ad, and nothing more.'
Ah, distinctly I remember the address of distant ember,
And how soon I had become a member wrought with duties upon chore.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From the web barren of sorrow - sorrow from things I abhor -
For the rare and blessed moment from the duties I abhor -
Forgotten for evermore.
And the constant ping unbroken chiming in and distracting again
Thrilled me - filled me with eccentric rages never felt before;
So that now, to still the pounding of my fist, I sat still sounding
`'Tis some dumb ad entreating notice that I account for -
Some advertisement entreating notice that I account for; -
This it is, and nothing more,'
Certain then my click was mellow; strange new words sang from a fellow,
`Sir,' said he, `or Madam, truly this new product you adore;
But to win you must keep ringing, till you gently hear some singing,
Or we'll just continue pinging, pinging through our advert's door,
And then you must take a survey' - here I clicked upon the door; -
Pure white there, and nothing more.
Deep into that white light peering, long I sat there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no surfer ever dared to dream before
But the silence was unbroken, and the white screen gave no token,
So I thought the site was broken as I listened to the snore
As I mumbled, there was nothing murmured back through quiet snore
Just my clicking, nothing more.
Back onto my homepage turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a pinging somewhat louder than before.
`Surely,' said I, `surely there is someway to grant silence to this;
Let me see then, what then this is, and this annoyance explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this annoyance explore; -
'Tis a bug and nothing more!'
Upon now my click did stutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
There now stepped a glowing raven like I'd never seen before.
Not one greeting had made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with air that was quite kingly, there he sat upon the floor -
Perched upon my startup menu just above my taskbar floor -
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.
Then my interest of his charming turned my frenzy into warming,
By its sternness and behavior and the red glow that it wore,
`Though I know not what you're craven, you,' I said, `are sure no haven.
Grimly staring glowing raven wandering 'round my desktop shore -
Tell me what advert has sent you' and I clicked upon his shore
Quoth the server, `404'
Strange, I marveled, to click this fowl and see discourse so plainly,
Though this still had little meaning - little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing ads without alternate store -
Bird or beast above the taskbar and without an attached store,
One that replied '404'
But the web site, sitting lonely in the browser, just showed only,
That server, as if made souly for one to find the door.
Nothing further for me to see - I clicked on back, my browser now free -
As I scarcely more than muttered `'Tis still better than before -
Perhaps I think I will keep him, as he's shown nothing before.'
Then the site read, `404'
Startled at the web site broken, my reply was aptly spoken,
`Doubtless,' said I, `what it shows here can't simply be its full bore,
Written by unhappy masters whose unmerciful disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till this site became a chore -
With the duties of this member's melancholy laden chore
Till the site's nevermore.'
But the raven sat there smiling at my sad soul as it's riling,
Quick I wheeled the mouse away in front of bird and taskbar floor;
Then, I sat on the chair thinking, I could feel my hopes were sinking
Problem unto problem, linking to this ominous bird of yore -
Could this grim, ungainly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore
Be causing this '404?'
This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned so bright my eyes were sore;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
In my hands it was residing, the monitor lighted o'er,
Like the raven was residing within the screen lighting o'er,
Who shall impress nevermore!
Then, methought, the screen grew darker, filtered from an unseen marker
Caused by advertisements which should not be haunting anymore.
`Wretch,' I cried, `I shall yet spite thee - with a keystroke I shall smite thee
Depart - depart and forget you had ever walked here before!'
I quit the program and tried again, but it was just like before.
Quoth the server, `404'
`Raven?' I laughed, `More like Weevil! - Never will I keep your evil! -
Programmed with a distinct pleasure, killing servers I adore!
Challenged, though I am undaunted, with but one click unenchanted -
From my home, leave me unhaunted - you will return to folklore!'
Then I restored the computer - but didn't go to folklore...
Quoth the server, `404'
`Raven!' said I, `You'll not beat me!' as I clicked again without glee,
But the Raven sat there looking out - and it laughed in an uproar.
Still I knew I could defeat it, without power it will acquit,
I pushed the power button lit, but the Raven laughed all the more.
Clasping the cord, I pulled in fit, but the Raven laughed all the more.
Quoth the server, `404'
`Say your prayers, soon you'll be parting, for destruction you are charting!
I will smash the screen you tempted to steal from my computer core!
Leaving black plumes as a token of the fiend you have awoken!
For this I will leave you broken!' and I smashed it on the floor.
And it flashed there with a start, still displaying it on the floor.
Quoth the server, `404'
And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the monitor I shattered when I threw it on the floor;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the back-light that is streaming throws his form upon the door;
And I sit there in the shadows being stared at from the door
And shall web surf - nevermore!
Enjoy.
The Raven Program
Parody of:
The Raven
By: Edgar Allan Poe
Once upon a night so clearly, while I web surfed weekend dreary,
Over many a strange and spurious websites of abandoned lore,
While I whistled, nearly singing, suddenly there came a pinging,
As of some one loudly ringing, ringing through my hard drive's snore.
`Some advertisement,' I muttered, `pinging through my hard drive's snore -
Just an ad, and nothing more.'
Ah, distinctly I remember the address of distant ember,
And how soon I had become a member wrought with duties upon chore.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From the web barren of sorrow - sorrow from things I abhor -
For the rare and blessed moment from the duties I abhor -
Forgotten for evermore.
And the constant ping unbroken chiming in and distracting again
Thrilled me - filled me with eccentric rages never felt before;
So that now, to still the pounding of my fist, I sat still sounding
`'Tis some dumb ad entreating notice that I account for -
Some advertisement entreating notice that I account for; -
This it is, and nothing more,'
Certain then my click was mellow; strange new words sang from a fellow,
`Sir,' said he, `or Madam, truly this new product you adore;
But to win you must keep ringing, till you gently hear some singing,
Or we'll just continue pinging, pinging through our advert's door,
And then you must take a survey' - here I clicked upon the door; -
Pure white there, and nothing more.
Deep into that white light peering, long I sat there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no surfer ever dared to dream before
But the silence was unbroken, and the white screen gave no token,
So I thought the site was broken as I listened to the snore
As I mumbled, there was nothing murmured back through quiet snore
Just my clicking, nothing more.
Back onto my homepage turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a pinging somewhat louder than before.
`Surely,' said I, `surely there is someway to grant silence to this;
Let me see then, what then this is, and this annoyance explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this annoyance explore; -
'Tis a bug and nothing more!'
Upon now my click did stutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
There now stepped a glowing raven like I'd never seen before.
Not one greeting had made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with air that was quite kingly, there he sat upon the floor -
Perched upon my startup menu just above my taskbar floor -
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.
Then my interest of his charming turned my frenzy into warming,
By its sternness and behavior and the red glow that it wore,
`Though I know not what you're craven, you,' I said, `are sure no haven.
Grimly staring glowing raven wandering 'round my desktop shore -
Tell me what advert has sent you' and I clicked upon his shore
Quoth the server, `404'
Strange, I marveled, to click this fowl and see discourse so plainly,
Though this still had little meaning - little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing ads without alternate store -
Bird or beast above the taskbar and without an attached store,
One that replied '404'
But the web site, sitting lonely in the browser, just showed only,
That server, as if made souly for one to find the door.
Nothing further for me to see - I clicked on back, my browser now free -
As I scarcely more than muttered `'Tis still better than before -
Perhaps I think I will keep him, as he's shown nothing before.'
Then the site read, `404'
Startled at the web site broken, my reply was aptly spoken,
`Doubtless,' said I, `what it shows here can't simply be its full bore,
Written by unhappy masters whose unmerciful disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till this site became a chore -
With the duties of this member's melancholy laden chore
Till the site's nevermore.'
But the raven sat there smiling at my sad soul as it's riling,
Quick I wheeled the mouse away in front of bird and taskbar floor;
Then, I sat on the chair thinking, I could feel my hopes were sinking
Problem unto problem, linking to this ominous bird of yore -
Could this grim, ungainly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore
Be causing this '404?'
This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned so bright my eyes were sore;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
In my hands it was residing, the monitor lighted o'er,
Like the raven was residing within the screen lighting o'er,
Who shall impress nevermore!
Then, methought, the screen grew darker, filtered from an unseen marker
Caused by advertisements which should not be haunting anymore.
`Wretch,' I cried, `I shall yet spite thee - with a keystroke I shall smite thee
Depart - depart and forget you had ever walked here before!'
I quit the program and tried again, but it was just like before.
Quoth the server, `404'
`Raven?' I laughed, `More like Weevil! - Never will I keep your evil! -
Programmed with a distinct pleasure, killing servers I adore!
Challenged, though I am undaunted, with but one click unenchanted -
From my home, leave me unhaunted - you will return to folklore!'
Then I restored the computer - but didn't go to folklore...
Quoth the server, `404'
`Raven!' said I, `You'll not beat me!' as I clicked again without glee,
But the Raven sat there looking out - and it laughed in an uproar.
Still I knew I could defeat it, without power it will acquit,
I pushed the power button lit, but the Raven laughed all the more.
Clasping the cord, I pulled in fit, but the Raven laughed all the more.
Quoth the server, `404'
`Say your prayers, soon you'll be parting, for destruction you are charting!
I will smash the screen you tempted to steal from my computer core!
Leaving black plumes as a token of the fiend you have awoken!
For this I will leave you broken!' and I smashed it on the floor.
And it flashed there with a start, still displaying it on the floor.
Quoth the server, `404'
And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the monitor I shattered when I threw it on the floor;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the back-light that is streaming throws his form upon the door;
And I sit there in the shadows being stared at from the door
And shall web surf - nevermore!
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Dreams Come True... Unfortunately
Have you ever heard the term, “Be careful what you wish for,” thrown about? Most people use this term as a joke, but I find the meaning behind it to be very serious. Because, like it or not, quite a few of the wishes that people make come true.
You don’t believe me, do you? You’ve made all kinds of wishes that haven’t come true, right? Well, the petty stuff doesn’t matter one way or the other. “I wish I had that bike!” That kinda thing won’t happen. The wish coming true would be too obvious. However, something like, “I wish I made more money than him,” has a very good chance of coming true. The problem with these wishes is that you have to really want them. If you want a wish bad enough, it will come true, whether you try for it or not. The problem with that is, if you don’t try for it, but you really want it, you’re not going to like how it happens.
If you really want your wish to come true, and you’re willing to put forth the effort to make it come true, then it will happen, in exactly the way you wanted it to. However, if you want that wish badly, but you aren’t doing anything about it, a force takes over and redefines your reality to make it happen. If you work really hard to earn more money than that other guy, you will earn more, and be happy. However, if you don’t work at it at all, they will lose their job, and you will be making more money than them by simply continuing what you are currently doing. You won’t make any more money, they will be making less.
The trick to this is that you can’t be too specific about your wish. If you say you wanna be making $327.54 by Thursday, you’re outta your mind. If you wish you were making more money, you might get what you want, though it won’t be very much more, and even then you’d have to be working at it because it would benefit you. If you wish for something bad to happen to yourself, it may never occur. Even if you work at it, something like that is hard to pull off because nobody else would want that to happen.
I find it’s always best not to wish for anything. The more you wish, the more trouble you will make for yourself or others around you. You wish for better food, your favorite store will close. You wish for a better job, you’ll get fired. You wish to move somewhere else, your house will be condemned. If you don’t wish for anything, you can set all the goals you want and work as hard as you want to achieve them. But if you wish for it, really want it, and don’t work hard enough to get it, you won’t like how it happens.
So, I’ll leave you with these words of wisdom. Be careful what you wish for, and wish for me to have $10,000. I’ve earned it.
You don’t believe me, do you? You’ve made all kinds of wishes that haven’t come true, right? Well, the petty stuff doesn’t matter one way or the other. “I wish I had that bike!” That kinda thing won’t happen. The wish coming true would be too obvious. However, something like, “I wish I made more money than him,” has a very good chance of coming true. The problem with these wishes is that you have to really want them. If you want a wish bad enough, it will come true, whether you try for it or not. The problem with that is, if you don’t try for it, but you really want it, you’re not going to like how it happens.
If you really want your wish to come true, and you’re willing to put forth the effort to make it come true, then it will happen, in exactly the way you wanted it to. However, if you want that wish badly, but you aren’t doing anything about it, a force takes over and redefines your reality to make it happen. If you work really hard to earn more money than that other guy, you will earn more, and be happy. However, if you don’t work at it at all, they will lose their job, and you will be making more money than them by simply continuing what you are currently doing. You won’t make any more money, they will be making less.
The trick to this is that you can’t be too specific about your wish. If you say you wanna be making $327.54 by Thursday, you’re outta your mind. If you wish you were making more money, you might get what you want, though it won’t be very much more, and even then you’d have to be working at it because it would benefit you. If you wish for something bad to happen to yourself, it may never occur. Even if you work at it, something like that is hard to pull off because nobody else would want that to happen.
I find it’s always best not to wish for anything. The more you wish, the more trouble you will make for yourself or others around you. You wish for better food, your favorite store will close. You wish for a better job, you’ll get fired. You wish to move somewhere else, your house will be condemned. If you don’t wish for anything, you can set all the goals you want and work as hard as you want to achieve them. But if you wish for it, really want it, and don’t work hard enough to get it, you won’t like how it happens.
So, I’ll leave you with these words of wisdom. Be careful what you wish for, and wish for me to have $10,000. I’ve earned it.
Monday, October 1, 2007
Inconsistencies
You wake with a start into a dark room. You try to look around, but all you see is a single line of light in the distance. You don’t know what’s going on, or why you are here. All you know is that you have just awoken, and there is no one around you. There’s the sound of a train off in the distance. Crickets are happily chirping nearby. You start to notice that you are on an air mattress, covered by a sleeping bag. The only obvious explanation is that you were camping outside. That explains the crickets being so close. But what woke you? And why are you alone? That strange light. What is it? You can’t seem to focus on it. Well, I’m camping, so maybe I’m in a tent, and that light is--- Suddenly you realize where you are, and what you are doing. Suddenly, everything is clear.
What I just described has happened many times to many people. It’s a rather strange, and almost frightening experience. You wake in darkness, in a state of temporary amnesia, and try to figure out what’s going on. You know you can’t remember where you are or what you are doing, but you refuse to let yourself know that you don’t even know who you are. This state of temporary amnesia, I believe, is caused by becoming stuck between dreaming and waking. You are awake, so your mind starts to push back the dream, but you are holding onto that dream, so the mind has no similar memory to pull from. However, once you get your bearings straight, even on the tiniest detail surrounding you, you wake up in a state of enlightenment and recover all lost memory. Usually, the real world situation is nothing like what you thought was going on, but you can usually figure out the similarities. By the time you have everything figured out, and are clam enough to look at everything at once, you find so much humor in what just happened.
But can you image, what would happen if you never noticed that one piece that helped you remember? What if it didn’t help, and you were stuck in that state of temporary amnesia? What if it wasn’t temporary this time, and you really have lost all memory? You’d leave your tent, look around, see other tents, and other people, you might even hear them now, but no one would be familiar. You’d figure someone has to know you, otherwise you wouldn’t be here. But no one seems to know you, and you now realize that you don’t even know yourself. Now you have a whole life ahead of you, without a single idea about who you really are.
Not a very comforting thought, is it? Well, just think of it this way. As long as nobody tries to mess with you, you shouldn’t suffer too much from this.
What I just described has happened many times to many people. It’s a rather strange, and almost frightening experience. You wake in darkness, in a state of temporary amnesia, and try to figure out what’s going on. You know you can’t remember where you are or what you are doing, but you refuse to let yourself know that you don’t even know who you are. This state of temporary amnesia, I believe, is caused by becoming stuck between dreaming and waking. You are awake, so your mind starts to push back the dream, but you are holding onto that dream, so the mind has no similar memory to pull from. However, once you get your bearings straight, even on the tiniest detail surrounding you, you wake up in a state of enlightenment and recover all lost memory. Usually, the real world situation is nothing like what you thought was going on, but you can usually figure out the similarities. By the time you have everything figured out, and are clam enough to look at everything at once, you find so much humor in what just happened.
But can you image, what would happen if you never noticed that one piece that helped you remember? What if it didn’t help, and you were stuck in that state of temporary amnesia? What if it wasn’t temporary this time, and you really have lost all memory? You’d leave your tent, look around, see other tents, and other people, you might even hear them now, but no one would be familiar. You’d figure someone has to know you, otherwise you wouldn’t be here. But no one seems to know you, and you now realize that you don’t even know yourself. Now you have a whole life ahead of you, without a single idea about who you really are.
Not a very comforting thought, is it? Well, just think of it this way. As long as nobody tries to mess with you, you shouldn’t suffer too much from this.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Is there a doctor named House?
Ever wonder about traveling to other dimensions? Let’s set aside the debate on whether or not other dimensions exist and focus on the ‘yes’ side of the debate. Assuming that they do exist, how would you travel to one? I’m sure quite a few of the other dimensions are wondering the same thing. I have a theory for you all, if you care to listen to it. It’s so strange, yet so very possible at the same time, that it will either make you think or make you laugh thinking about it.
Television.
Hold off on the weird looks for a bit and let me explain. You see, the studios of Hollywood and such don’t want you to know that all of their television programs and movies are actually recordings of other dimensions, jazzed up to look like something we made. Sure, there are an awful lot of real shows and movies out there that we made, but only to keep the secret of the other dimensions out of the public’s hands. Can you imagine what we could do with the technology at Hollywood’s disposal? Ofcourse, they can only see through the dimensions by folding space and time, pinpointing the exact location of an event and setting their DVDs to record. Not much we can do there. But we could see possibilities for our own dimension by looking at similar ones. If you glance at the dimension next to us, you can see what might have happened had we picked the opposite side of a recent event. What if we had stayed out of Iraq? Interesting viewpoint, don’t you think?
“Wait, something doesn’t make sense… If we are looking into alternate dimensions, why are there actors here that look exactly like the people we watch?”
Simple. These are alternate dimensions with similar people. If you go far enough out of the current spectrum of realities, you will find some bizarre situations. Maybe, in an alternate dimension, Kiefer Sutherland is actually named Jack Bower and he actually is a powerhouse guy from CTU. We call him Kiefer Sutherland here, they call him Jack Bower there. Same person, different family choices. Kiefer Sutherland in our dimension just takes credit for everything Jack Bower does. They are the same person, so he can act the right way to pull it off. They may have even given him the role recently, due to certain things changing in the other dimension. Maybe the real Jack died, maybe he saved everyone, including his first wife, and never had another day like that one. Perhaps, from the end of season one on, Kiefer has taken over. But, we’re getting a bit off topic here.
So, if Hollywood and similar companies can see into other dimensions, why haven’t they told everyone else yet? Obviously, they want to keep it to themselves to make money. That, and, if the government got a hold of this information they would take the technology, kill everyone involved in some massive viral attack, pass it off as another attack from Bin Laden, and examine what the other dimensions have done to ‘better’ the lives of everyone in this dimension. Ofcourse, there is the undeniable fact that they would try their hardest to make a gateway between the dimensions in order to take over the other dimensions as well, but that’s another story altogether that we will not hear about until the collapse of the ‘free’ world.
Sounds a bit nuts, don’t it? Sounds like I’m a bit ‘touched’ in the head? Well, I’ll have you know, you’re probably right. But if I’m not, then you gotta prepare yourselves for when you finally get to see the other end of the dimensional-multiverse, and find out how your life would have turned out if you had acted differently in key situations.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Television.
Hold off on the weird looks for a bit and let me explain. You see, the studios of Hollywood and such don’t want you to know that all of their television programs and movies are actually recordings of other dimensions, jazzed up to look like something we made. Sure, there are an awful lot of real shows and movies out there that we made, but only to keep the secret of the other dimensions out of the public’s hands. Can you imagine what we could do with the technology at Hollywood’s disposal? Ofcourse, they can only see through the dimensions by folding space and time, pinpointing the exact location of an event and setting their DVDs to record. Not much we can do there. But we could see possibilities for our own dimension by looking at similar ones. If you glance at the dimension next to us, you can see what might have happened had we picked the opposite side of a recent event. What if we had stayed out of Iraq? Interesting viewpoint, don’t you think?
“Wait, something doesn’t make sense… If we are looking into alternate dimensions, why are there actors here that look exactly like the people we watch?”
Simple. These are alternate dimensions with similar people. If you go far enough out of the current spectrum of realities, you will find some bizarre situations. Maybe, in an alternate dimension, Kiefer Sutherland is actually named Jack Bower and he actually is a powerhouse guy from CTU. We call him Kiefer Sutherland here, they call him Jack Bower there. Same person, different family choices. Kiefer Sutherland in our dimension just takes credit for everything Jack Bower does. They are the same person, so he can act the right way to pull it off. They may have even given him the role recently, due to certain things changing in the other dimension. Maybe the real Jack died, maybe he saved everyone, including his first wife, and never had another day like that one. Perhaps, from the end of season one on, Kiefer has taken over. But, we’re getting a bit off topic here.
So, if Hollywood and similar companies can see into other dimensions, why haven’t they told everyone else yet? Obviously, they want to keep it to themselves to make money. That, and, if the government got a hold of this information they would take the technology, kill everyone involved in some massive viral attack, pass it off as another attack from Bin Laden, and examine what the other dimensions have done to ‘better’ the lives of everyone in this dimension. Ofcourse, there is the undeniable fact that they would try their hardest to make a gateway between the dimensions in order to take over the other dimensions as well, but that’s another story altogether that we will not hear about until the collapse of the ‘free’ world.
Sounds a bit nuts, don’t it? Sounds like I’m a bit ‘touched’ in the head? Well, I’ll have you know, you’re probably right. But if I’m not, then you gotta prepare yourselves for when you finally get to see the other end of the dimensional-multiverse, and find out how your life would have turned out if you had acted differently in key situations.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
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