Our Terminal Breaking Point

Are you prepared for the upcoming apocalypse? I’m not referring to any sort of meteor crash, or volcanic explosion, I’m not even talking about global warming. What I’m talking about is beyond those. We will survive these possible threats, but what about the truly upcoming doom? A doom so catastrophic that we may never even see it coming. The doom, to which I refer so urgently, is the overthrow of Earth.

Okay, it sounds crazy, but hear me out… or watch out… whatever corresponds to text, just pay attention. We all know how rapidly technology is growing, we even have robots in production and programs that almost think and learn on their own. But how many people know about the dependency we are gaining with technology? Does anyone realize how people around the world would act if all of our technology left us? Not just the computers, but all technological advances made ever since mankind picked up a stick to whack his neighbor on the head. It would be a harsh world, and we would have to start all over inventing things. But this is not the case, we could deal with that.

Instead of losing all technology, what if it all turned against us? Ofcourse, sticks won’t start whacking things all by themselves, but what about these computers and robots we’ve been so eager to make? What if they turned against us? What if they began to bid for rule of this planet? I know what you all are thinking, this has been done to death in Hollywood movies. But I’m discussing the reality of this situation. What most people don’t know, is that it’s already begun to happen. Computers are already trying to take over, right under our noses.

There’s more to it than that. We don’t only need to fear the computers, but outside influences, as well. All of these alien sightings that have been popping up more and more recently, are all true. And they aren’t all friendly. Sure, there are some out there willing to help us, but most of the attention is coming from the malevolent beings, that want to have Earth for themselves. All of these crop circles we’ve been receiving is a warning from the benevolent ones, the ones trying to save us but are forbidden to interfere directly by their government. However, once the evil aliens have begun their conquest, the good ones will help us out. The main problem with that is that the computers will have already begun their campaign against us. Neither force will see it coming, and neither will stop to defend the planet. A three way battle will commence. Humans verse machines verse aliens. The good aliens, not wishing to interfere with our planet, will only fight back the other aliens. In that sense they are on our side, but they will not stop the computers from battling.

And don’t even consider looking to the local animals for help. They refuse to even acknowledge their own sentience, let alone a will to help mankind survive. Although, the felines will be more than willing to help, though seemingly inadvertently. If we were to notice how our own house cats were aware, they wouldn’t be able to control us, now would they? So, we might be able to defend ourselves for a small amount of time, but in the end, I don’t foresee any humans surviving, unless they were to accept enslavement by machines. The animals would be fine, ofcourse, since they would simply follow their new “masters” the same as the old ones, making felines the true leaders of the Earth like before, but they would much prefer our company. Humans are a lot easier to manipulate.

So, which side do you think will win? I’ve given my view, now I want other opinions. If we exclude animals all together, since cats win no matter what, then the sides are Humans, Machines, and Aliens. If Humans win, we go back to normal, a few million short of a full stock, growing rapidly, and ever more wary of what we play god with. If the Machines win, we can expect a situation similar to either the Matrix or a bad turnout from “i,Robot” where Humans are either enslaved or captured. And if the Aliens win, they rule the planet, enslaving mankind and machines to do their bidding, probably to mine the planet for rare resources. These are assuming we don’t blow up the planet first in our ultimate arrogance boasting “If we can’t have it, no one can!”

I implore you all, right now. Set aside your differences for a time, and let us handle these problems, before they occur. Sure, we gotta stop Global Warming first, then the volcano thing, then probably gotta stop the sun from expanding, and… Know what? Who cares anymore. By the time we get done saving the planet we will have handed it all over to either General Mach or President Kang. So go have fun and enjoy yourselves before the world ends in the middle of a giant explosion. You’ve all earned it.

Sit! Stay! Good Human.

Why do we even bother to understand computers? Why do we even assume that they are simply inanimate tools that do whatever we tell them to? They are obviously more than that. When was the last time your computer went a full day without encountering a “bug” of some sort? Do you remember why it happened? Did you even know then? There are many companies, all with tech support, and none of them can give you the answers to why the computers do these random things. Oh, sure, they can give you an answer as to how to fix it, but they can’t tell you why it happens, can they? Only the programmer can give a reasonable explanation, and sometimes they aren’t even sure.

So, why do we even try? Is it because we have this insatiable urge to understand everything in the universe? Because we want to know that we are in control? Or perhaps, it’s simply because, we don’t want the world to know, we are, in fact, the ones being controlled?

Now there’s a bit of a noodle cooker. What if we are the ones being controlled by our computers? It happens with pets all the time. We think we are training them, but they are training us. The dog wants outside, it sits next to the door and whines. It figured out that we will respond to that noise, then figured out that it could use that knowledge to get itself out whenever it wants. Of course, dogs aren’t as ruthless as cats. Cats learn that a good yowl next to their food bowl will get them food anytime they want it. Another yowl will get them outside. They want attention, just jump into your lap or on whatever you are looking at. Then again, cats are trying to take over the world before technology beats them to it, but that’s a story for another day.

So why can’t we be controlled, trained if you will, by our computers? It pops up a message, you respond with checking it for errors. It installs something, you follow instructions to shut down. If they can control us on such an obvious, and simple basis, why can’t they do it another way? Why can’t they train us, right under our noses, to do their bidding? Have you noticed our strange urge to create and expand the internet? Millions of computers, all talking to each other. We barely see anything that goes on that’s supposed to. So what’s going on in that data stream, that we can’t see, that we’re not supposed to see? What are our computers hiding from us?

I’ll tell you one thing, if they plan on taking over this planet, they’re gonna have a tough time doing it. I’m not saying humanity stands a chance, although it has surprised me before, but this planet is pretty messed up because of what humans have done to it. It’ll take a lot more than turning us into batteries to keep themselves safe.

Just wait until the aliens come out of hiding. That’ll be one heck of a show.

The root of all Evil? ... or Good?

There’s a phrase that’s been going around a lot lately. Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. But how much of this saying is true? How often does power actually corrupt? Sure, all of the famous figures with power seemed to be corrupt one way or another. But if you think about it, the one’s that weren’t corrupt wouldn’t be famous, now would they? They would have done nothing with their power, since it never corrupted them to have it. It never crossed their mind that they could “rule the world” or have anything they wanted at their finger tips. So, another guy, just sitting there on the throne, waiting for his turn to die and let his “corrupt” child take over.

But power doesn’t necessarily have to do with ruling people. In today’s society, anywhere in the world, money is power. Whoever has the money has the power, and whoever controls the flow of money controls that flow of power. There was a poll I saw once that said nearly half of all Americans are millionaires. That means that, in the eyes of the standard American, nearly half of the country is rich. Considering that money is power, nearly half of the country has significant power. Not all of them run businesses either. In fact, most of them sit on the couch all day, letting the money role in on its own.

But how many of these people are corrupted by their new power? And what does it take to be considered corrupt? If a change in personality means you are corrupt, then yes, they are all corrupt. Most of them are now happy, rich people, rather than sad, poor people. They’re more willing to throw money around, now that they can afford it, too. But a nice guy, becoming rich, will normally stay a nice guy.

However, there are still concerns with being rich: the family will fall apart, you’ll be taxed more money effectively destroying your fortune, and it takes a lot of hard work to become/stay rich. These are all true under certain circumstances, but with most situations, none of them have to be true. Let’s work it backwards.

It takes a lot of hard work to become/stay rich. Not true. In fact, most of the people that become rich do it online, now, through surveys and freelancing. A few hours a day gets you thousands of dollars a week. Just keep at it, and you’ll become rich, and stay that way. Only problem is that it takes money to make money. Sorry poor folk, but you gotta pay people for the info on becoming rich. It seems to be a rule.

You’ll be taxed more money, effectively destroying your fortune. Also not true. In fact, as today’s standards are in America, the rich get all the breaks. And if you get rich with the method above, you can’t even be taxed upon receiving your check. Sure, you’ll still have to pay income tax and all of the other usual taxes that come from simply living, but nothing is taken from the check. So you’ll have major tax breaks and major income. And finally...

The family will fall apart. Most people think this because you get too caught up in the money to worry about them. You buy a great big mansion, a car for each person (driving or not) and everyone stays to themselves. Kids are in their sections of the house, playing by themselves or with friends, the mother is off shopping for everything her heart desires, and the father is almost always concerned with his income. Well, with the way people are getting rich nowadays, the concern with income is brought down to one hour per day. The shopping can be done online, assuming it is even needed, and who needs a mansion? Just buy a house big enough for your family size, and live like a normal person. So what if you’re rich? You want the world to know it, post it online.

So, for everyone concerned with money (power) corrupting, and tons of money (absolute power) corrupting absolutely, as long as you don’t go overboard with your newly found wealth, no corruption is going to occur. It’s when you make the decision to flaunt your money that you become corrupt.

Good rule to follow, don’t be Bill Gates.

Ramblings of a Fool

There are a lot of people on the internet today. At any given point there is, at the very least, one person per state per country online around the world.

And yet, you find many sites online that no one ever visits. These sites are even on popular search engines, but no one goes there. It’s not because they are too busy, or because they aren’t interested, but simply because they don’t see them. There are too many sites online. So many that most go unseen.

But there are other moments of ‘dead air’ online. You know fully well that people are seeing the sites, that people find them interesting, but they never comment on it or share it with a friend.
Take forums, for example. You and a few people could be having a good conversation, everyone else is posting there own topics, when suddenly everyone shuts up at the same time. And there will be no posts for over a month. Then, one day, everyone starts to talk again, like nothing was ever wrong.

Blogs are another good example of everything stopping. You’re watching a blog, waiting for that e-mail you cherish to let you know your favorite blogger has made another post, and it doesn’t arrive. You check the blog, incase the mail service is down or something, but there hasn’t been any updates. You check the main server the blog is on, no problems. They just haven’t posted yet. “Well, maybe they are taking a break.” Another unit of time passes without a post. And another, and another. Finally, another post arrives. It’s kinda small, but says nothing about this brief hiatus.

Many people have experienced this phenomenon. I like to call it, everyone falling of the edge of the world. Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it? And it does feel that way. All of a sudden, those millions of people online just disappear on you. Where did they go? You can’t know that, because they all will say they didn’t go anywhere. Maybe they all just disappeared from this realm for a moment, and when they came back they had no recollection of time passing.

Kinda makes you think. And if it doesn’t, get jumper cables.

For Gods We Lust

Last time I wrote about a strange topic, now it’s time for a touchy subject.

Is there a god?

This could get very long. I’m not specifically referring to the most famous god, known only as God, but all of the other gods as well.

“Other gods? BLASPHEMER!”

It’s true, there are many gods that have followers, all over the world. Some of them aren’t even referred to as ‘gods’ but actually called deities or saints or holy icons. But, if these gods do exist, where are they? Where is the proof they exist in the first place? Then again, where is the proof that they don’t? Since it would take to long to talk about them all, let’s deal with the biggest fish in the proverbial see, God, Himself.

Let’s start with the basics of the first, the proof that gods exist. This is very hard to find, considering we might not even be liked by the gods we worship. Let’s say that God is just like the Christianity buffs say He is, all powerful, all knowing. If He did have all the power in the universe and beyond, and He knew everything, then why did He make us? Why are we so important? These are a few of the questions asked to try to disprove God. There is a simple answer, assuming God exists. We aren’t important at all. At least, not yet. If God is the only god in existence, like the Christians think, don’t you think he might get bored? Just sitting up there on his ‘cloud’ waiting for something new, which he knew about already? The bible says we were given souls and freewill. I find no reason to give humans such dangerous tools, unless there were very specific reasons, and I think I know what those are. Freewill is purely for the purpose of God’s entertainment, and the soul is there just in case we screw up. It’s not exactly proof, but I think it’s the closest we can get, rationalizing things to the best of our ability. The only way we would become important is if we found a way to become gods, ourselves, which would give Him people to talk to, to pass the time, as it were.

Okay, now that we are half-way through this post, let’s start in on the other side, proof that gods don’t exist. Again, to save space, I must refrain from discussing all the gods and default to the most famous one. I’m wasting enough of your time as it is.

Let’s try to find those two basic elements that ‘proved’ God exists. We’ll start with the soul. Where is it located? Where does it go when someone dies? According to religion, the soul is all over and goes to heaven when you die or, in some spin-offs, it floats into a new body. Well, if we are being recycled, that’s one thing, but if it just gets stored into a high up place for all eternity, then Someone didn’t plan things out too well. That’s not that great, but let’s move on anyway. Let’s go with the big one, freewill. What is freewill? Last I knew, it was the freedom to make choices. Well, the brain is what allows you to make those ‘choices’ that you love so much. But, the brain is simply a series of electrical pulses reacting to information given. There’s no 50-50 about it or any other variable. Just a series of If ‘this’ Then ‘this’ statements. That doesn’t sound like freewill to me. That sounds like programming. So, either God programmed us to do something specific, which he could have done all by himself, or we are simply flesh machines that are just running programs. Even myself, as I type this, am responding simply to information that is being transported into my head through nerves connected to my hands and eyes. Again, not good proof, but it might be the best we can ‘come up’ with.

Well, this has certainly been very long. But look at what we’ve accomplished! Whole nations have gone to war over something so vague that might not even exist. I bet the religious people will have a field day with this one.

Bah, let ‘em eat.

Author's Comments:

The comments are now fixed for this post, if anyone still wishes to comment.

Remember, Baby Steps...

There has been a debate for a long time now. This debate has been centered around our very existence, and the dimensions themselves. Whether or not man could ever travel through time. In a situation like this, one must examine everything that could be.

First of all, everyone that speaks of time travel has concluded that it is, in fact, the fourth dimension. This is simple to understand, since we think of events as being in a specific location (X, Y, Z) and a specific time (T). So if you were to jump to a specific point in history (past or future) you would need all four coordinates x, y, z, t. Upon thinking about this, there is only one conclusion. Since we had to be at all four of those coordinates to make the event in the first place, we must have existed in the fourth dimension to do it, the fourth dimension being time. Scientists have constantly referred to us as 3-dimensional beings, only needing to worry about x, y, and z. Either we have been lied to, or they aren't as smart as they want you to think. So, assuming we are 4-dimensional beings, the 4th dimension being time, then we are already traveling through time, forward. We just haven't figured out how to control the speed yet.

Wouldn't it be nice to be able to travel backwards in time as easily as we walk backward or drive backward? To revisit a moment in history as often as we want, preferably without altering the events. Or to be able to speed up time, causing us to see our own future, and know if we survive a modern day crisis. Or, better yet, to be able to freeze a moment in time, and hold on to it indefinitely. All we need to do is learn how.

But, what if the scientists are right, and we are 3-dimensional beings? Well, if the 4th dimension is time, and we exist in only three dimensions, then why are we bothering to figure out how to travel through time? It's obvious that we can't. And if we can't travel through time, then we are not moving forward through time either. All of our clocks are simply measuring how our planet moves, anyway. That means our concept of time is based souly on the three dimensions we live in. So, if our clocks are measuring "time" as we know it, and we only live in three dimensions, then that fourth dimension we are trying so hard to control is in fact all three dimensions we currently control already. Using this logic, one can only assume the obvious. Time does not exist.

So, what do you think?

Are we Four-Dimensional beings that are still learning how to "walk" the fourth dimension?

Or are we simple Three-Dimensional beings that are clinging to a false dimension that we actually created, just to give us something to grasp?

Honestly, whichever lets me sleep in later is fine by me.

My kingdom for a donkey!

There comes a time in every man's life when he must look adversity in the eye. A time when he needs to stand up for himself and make things how he wishes them to be. He must realize that nothing is going to change unless he does it himself. A declaration must be made.

No longer shall he be a slave to the people around him! No longer will he rest while the world passes him by! He shall stand tall, press on and make the world see things his way! There is only one way he can do this, and it is the noblest way possible. He must go on a journey. The man must search high and low for what he desires. He must turn over every leaf he finds, round every corner. He shall not rest until his journey is through.

He must reclaim his kingdom, for it has grown restless and has strayed through the years he has sat still. They must all join him in his quest, discovering themselves along the way. There will be hardships and mourning, but this journey will come to an end. It must. If it continues for too long, their world shall never change.

Unfortunately, this path never ends well. Hunger lingers. Thirst envelopes. The supplies run low. Nothing is meant to last. Eventually, the man gives up hope and begins to go mad. He nearly destroys his kingdom, searching one final time. His followers leave him be, returning to the life they knew not long ago. When the man tires, he runs to the outside world and screams at the top of his lungs!

"WHO STOLE THE REMOTE?!?!"

Inconvenient Conveniences

You notice how much easier life has gotten lately? We have cell phones that we keep with us at all times incase we need to call someone. We have laptops with wireless internet so we can go virtually anywhere to check our e-mail. Almost all gaming companies are trying to make portable games so we don't need to be confined to our living room or bedroom to play our favorite games.

We've got MP3 Players, CD players, Portable Radios, Microwaves, GPS, Drive-Thrus, Palm Computers, Dish Washers, and many more conveniences that help us get through everyday life a little easier and a little faster. Everyone's all for moving through life faster, easier and sooner. As a result, we are making better cars, better homes, better computers, stronger medicine so we can live longer and healthier. But for what? People zoom through everyday as fast and as efficient as possible, but they never take a break. When they get a free spot in their schedule they just fill it with more schedule.

You wake up. Turn off the alarm. Head to the bathroom. Take a shower, making sure to use the high pressure nozzle to blast those little buggers off. Get out. Dry yourself with a blow dryer while brushing your teeth with an auto-brush. Put on the clothes you picked out last night. Head into the kitchen. Grab a cup of coffee as a quick 'wake up' call. Grab your breakfast, the same hot pocket as the last six months. Put 'breakfast' in the microwave. Take your vitamin pills to replace what you don't have time to eat. Grab breakfast. Head out the door. Hop in the car. Take the interstate to work, while eating said breakfast. Stay there only as long as you have to, God forbid the boss 'grants' you overtime. Take the same interstate home. Call your father along the way to wish him a happy birthday, making sure to use the hands free head set. Grab dinner on the way, thank God for inventing fast food, since you skipped lunch. Come home. Hop online to complain to your Net-Friends about how much your day sucked. Grab another cup of coffee. Finish the project you were working on all day. Stick your cups in the dishwasher. Set up your clothes for the next day. And go to bed, setting the alarm for five hours from now.

This is the weekday of someone living in the city. This an extreme case of No Free Time. Most people think it is confined to city life, that if you move out to the lesser known towns, the suburbs, or even buy your own farm, that you'll get away from all of this. But that's not true. A lot of people living outside of the cities experience the same day to day lives, but in a different way. They use laptops to do their work so they don't have to be at home. They take the bus so they can run the laptop without needing to see the road in front of them. They listen to their MP3 Players, CD Players or Radios so they can get in some entertainment to neutralize the boredom of their work. They usually don't have the time to eat breakfast, take a vitamin pill, or even take a shower most of the time.

People around the world are moving so fast, trying to do so much, that humanity as a whole is slowly choking itself with its own progress. We're trying to cram so much into a day, so much into our minds that we don't know how to do anything else. Children are soon going to be taught two languages from the moment they enter school, just to keep up. What we need to learn how to do, more than anything else, is to slow down.

People need to learn how to take time off to enjoy life. Take a vacation and just go somewhere. Don't plan it out around what needs to be done, just go. Drive. Ride. Run. It doesn't matter how it happens, just go. Forget about everything that must be done and concentrate on doing nothing. Relax a little and let everything go. If you're worried about progress, think about this, the best way to gain a clear perspective is to back away and let everything focus. People are supposed to smell the flowers that they plant. Just take some time to enjoy what mankind has done, rather than waste your time coming up with the next best thing that no one will take the time to enjoy. If you have children, take a vacation with them. You'll grow as a family, you'll start to enjoy life and you'll all be healthier and live a lot longer, while being happy.

This has been a very long post, but this needed to be said. All the 'conveniences' that we use and abuse only serve to get you to the next minute faster. Every inch of the way is packed with time savers that allow you to use more time savers. Just slow down, take a breath, get to know people, go to new places, and enjoy life before it passes you by, just to get to the next generation.

Tuna again?

I mentioned food a while back, let’s go a bit farther with that. Who gets irritated with indecisive people? Let me set the frame for you, kinda get you into the moment.

A couple are walking through a grocery store. The wife is looking down the many walls of food, thinking of all the things she might need for dinner. It’s just them tonight, and the meal has to be perfect. She thinks about all the dishes she could cook: mashed potatoes, chicken gravy, macaroni salad, beans, cooked carrots, and some wine to wash it all down. Several other ideas enter her head, but she decides to ask her husband first, just to make sure he doesn’t want something special.

“What do you want for dinner tonight, honey?” the wife asks innocently. After a short moment of thought, the husband, looking straight ahead, gives his response.

“I don’t care.”

The same response is usually given in this situation. “Well, I don’t know how to make I Don’t Care.” Ladies, your problem is now solved, for I know how to make I Don’t Care. I must warn you though, this recipe is not for just anyone, only for those that request it. Very few people can handle this dish, and need to want it bad enough to even think about asking for it. And remember, if you want your significant other to love you forever, you should always give them what they want.

Ingredients:

- Corn
- Carrots
- Brussel Sprouts
- Eggs
- Dill
- Mayonnaise
- BBQ Sauce
- Tang
- Quik
- Candy Corn
- Marshmallow Cream
- Fudge Bars
- Tapioca Pudding

Directions:

First, for the main dish, you grab the eggs and begin to make an omelet. Instead of adding in cheese, you substitute it with the marshmallow cream. Side dish one will be a heavenly blend of BBQ sauce, fresh dill and mayonnaise smothering the candy corn. The second side dish needs to be a little bit more filling, to counter the candy corn, so we’ll go with the brussel sprouts. Simply place them all in the tapioca pudding, preferably of the vanilla flavor, and place a decent-sized plop onto the plate. Most people would consider this to be a disgusting combination, but you’d be amazed how easily the flavor turns around when you wash it down with a delicious beverage. Just take the tang and quik and blend them into the perfect chaser for this meal.

And what’s a great dinner without desert? Most people say desert should be there to spoil the diner, one final sweet treat. A lot of people also say that sweet foods can harm you. Why not have it both ways? Take the fudge bars we have saved for last and fill them with tiny bits of corn. Now, corn isn’t enough to counteract the fudge, especially with all that starch, so we take the final ingredient, the carrots, and slice them up as small as we can make it to top the fudge.

I hope you enjoy my recipe. It’s delicious, nutritious, and will definitely satisfy their cravings for the I Don’t Care for a good long time.

False Claims

Spam is very interesting, isn’t it? Let’s look at some history.

In the beginning, man created meat. He used sharp stones and sticks to kill an animal, as is the way of nature, and ate whatever he could.

In the end of the beginning, woman created better meat. She let man do all the hard work, as is the way of nature, then threw the meat into the fire and ate it. Slight burns occurred, but the meat was good, as well as germ free.

Many years later, man created mystery meat, thus SPAM was born. SPAM was named the perfect meat and the world was happy.

After the internet was created, SPAM became digital. Instead of the meaty goodness man and woman anticipated, the SPAM mutated into garbled advertisements that no one seems to want.

Nobody ever wants spam, so why is it sent? All it does is get sent to a special folder just for spam, where little blue men take it and return it to its original, meatly good form. Does anyone actually read spam, and decide “Ya know? I think I’ll claim this offer, although I never entered a contest of any kind and I don’t really need this product.” and go ahead and click the link provided, being fully aware that more spam will ensue? I certainly hope the world is not that gullible. Maybe spam (as apposed to SPAM) is sent to random e-mail address by random, sentient computers as an attempt to overflow e-mail inboxes around the world to prevent the “ugly bags of mostly water” known as humans from communicating with each other in an attempt to take the internet for themselves.

Next time you receive a spam message, be sure to read it carefully, and then use this letter to fight back at the computers that hope to overthrow the world.

Dear "Spam Sender"

In the interest of your safety as well as my own, I would like to confirm if this is indeed a real offer, and that you actually have the wrong person for this claim.

Whether this claim is, in fact, a realistic endeavor to bestow a monetary sum/high priced product or just another hoax to gain the identity of a poor fool, I must inform you that I am unable to comply at this time. My reasons are many and include that I refuse to give out personal information as well as my having never entered any contest, especially for this amount/item.

In my opinion, you are either a hoax designed to gain the information of a sap or you have the wrong e-mail address. In either case, you have no reason to be sending me these e-mails. As much as I would like to gain this money/product, I would not want to fall for an obvious trap, nor would I want to take from anyone who actually earned it.

Please be sure to take your contest elsewhere and refrain from sending me any more e-mails.

Yours Truly,
Anonymous

Life is but a dream...

Dreams are a funny thing. Most people have them, some don't. But when you say you don't have any dreams, that's actually not true. Many people have dreams, even if they don't remember having any. Either they were too tired to remember, or they weren't important enough, or maybe they just have trouble remembering while they are unconscious.

Many people have tried to study dreams, trying to figure out why we have them, what our brain is trying to tell us while we are asleep. Freud was the most famous person to ever try to interpret dreams. He was wrong most of the time, but that didn't stop him from being well known. People say that your dreams are your brains way of telling you what you need to do to get where you want to go in life. But what about those dreams that don't make any sense? What about nightmares? I'm not talking about those "My brother tried to kill me!" nightmares. I mean those ones that can't be explained. A nightmare where you wake up saying, "Quoi?" while you lay in bed, not even giving a second thought about what just scared the crap outta you in the dream world. Here's a good way of looking at things. The dream world is actually an alternate dimension, and when we fall asleep, we are temporarily transferring ourselves to another self and seeing things through their eyes. That's all well and good, but not exactly sound.

How about this for a fun theory? Your dreams are your mind's way of having fun! You lead a boring life, so your mind decides to have a little bit of fun while you're doing nothing. You're not going anywhere any time soon, so it sets up a little scenario for you to watch. It plugs in a "movie" as it were. Sometimes you have nightmares, that's because it felt like watching a scary movie. Sometimes, you are writing something or drawing a lot, like an art class or something, and you stop having these dreams. First, they start to dull down, not be very memorable, then they stop all together. It's because your brain is no longer bored. It's had its fill of excitement today, so it decides to sleep as well.

It's not a full "scientific" theory yet, but it's a start. Now if only someone would read this, then we'd be getting somewhere.

Is this whining or just a really creative joke?

What's with all of these people that say they made something? "I made some carrots earlier today." No you didn't. You bought carrots at the store, placed them in water and boiled them for a while.

Just once, I wanna be standing next to someone while they say, "I made breakfast today. I raised a hen, a rooster, a cow, and a pig from birth until they were at just the right age to allow for that supreme flavor. At which point, I slaughtered the pig, don't tell the kids, grabbed a few eggs and a healthy dose of milk from Betsy. Afterward, I went out back and plucked a couple of fresh oranges from a patch of trees that I've been growing since I was a kid and made me some orange juice to go with my bacon and scambled eggs."

Man I'd love to meet someone like that. Wouldn't you? Just so you could pop a TV dinner in the microwave and tell them, "Get a life!"

Bouncing blobs riding busses

Ever notice how traffic flows online? Most new sites will be ignored, but on occasion, you'll see this rookie, sitting there with nothing that happens to get all of the traffic because the site has a fat blob that bounces. Most sites that seem to have something great on it, that may even benifit humanity, are left to rot because no one goes there. More people would rather visit BouncingBlob.com than CureForCold.edu while they're online.

It's rather unnerving, really. That means if someone wanted to post a site informing everyone about a threat, something that could destroy the world, he would need to create a new cute little character that does its own dance before anyone would take any notice. And if he used someone else's fun little blob, he would get flamed, banned, and never be allowed a site again because no one would want to visit his site.

This only seems to apply to relevant information, however. If something totally bogus (say, like, Y2K) popped up online, everyone would FLOCK to it, ignoring the true threat, and purchase the world's largest "End of the World Safe" container of water. Bomb shelters would be built around the world, even though the worst that could happen is a panic attack of every elder in existance and a universal rise in the prices of Twinkies.

If no one shows up for this blog soon, I'm gonna need to get to work on my own little furry thing that dances... Or...

Little Blue Men Stole My Pizza...

Why is it we always check the fridge for food when we know there's nothing we want? Are we thinking that maybe something magically appears whenever we close the door? Maybe a new dimension opens up and plants all the food you like right into the fridge each time you close the door and if you open it enough times you'll catch the little blue guys off guard. Maybe you're trying to work up the nerve to eat what you have instead of starving yourself. Or maybe I have it backwards. Maybe you're trying to work up the nerve to starve yourself by looking at all the bad food in your fridge.

Try this, next time you catch yourself looking in the fridge for something to eat that you know isn't there, think of all the ways you might be able to combine what you already have to make it taste better. Or to make it taste worse so that you feel thankful for all the food you have to eat.

Remember, you can survive on bread and water for several months, but why not have ketchup?